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Msg: 921431
Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: Oberon_KenobiProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 4, 2016 1:21 PM
Reply to: Msg 921423 by Kasimir
I wonder what the statistics would be if you included the NON accidental gun deaths?

This spawned a question for me, what are the gun death rates by police? This is difficult to determine because it is difficult to determine how many police there are in the United States. So, let's use Wikipedia numbers since I didn't find any better numbers in my few minutes of searching. Even these numbers are admitted in the article to not be accurate, but they are the best I have found.

120,000 federal (2008) + 17,985 (2012) = 137,985
288 (2010) killings by police officers
Category Number Population #/Pop
Accidental deaths per physician 120,000 700,000 0.171
Deaths per police 288 137,985 0.002087183
All injury deaths (US) 2013 192,945 316.5 M 0.000609621
----- Poisoning 48,545 0.000153381
----- Motor vehicle traffic 33,804 0.000106806
----- Firearms 33,636 0.000106275
Firearm deaths per person (US) 2013 (CDC) 33,636 316.5 M 0.000106275
----- Suicide 21,175 0.000066904
----- Homicide 11,208 0.000035412
----- Unintentional discharges 505 0.000001596
----- Legal intervention/war 467 0.000001476
----- Undetermined 281 0.000000888
Accidental deaths per gun owner 1,500 80 M 0.0000188
Fatal unintentional drowning (US) 3,533 301.15 M (2005 - 2009 average) 0.000011732

Once I started this research, I decided to follow it to it's end, no matter how it came out. An interesting thing that came out is that the death rate per person is higher for the unintentional use of water than the unintentional use (discharge) of guns.

And to answer the question that I had too: What is a fatal intentional drowning? I'm assuming that it is a homicide.
Msg: 921433
Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: Oberon_KenobiProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 4, 2016 1:32 PM
Reply to: Msg 921431 by Oberon_Kenobi
I thought that I could keep editing (because of a recent update), but the edit button is gone.

I use statistics from different years in my previous post because that is what is available in the CDC and other statistics that I found.

And this thread has moved from the "Funny Pages". It should probably be in "Off Topic Wildly".
Msg: 921463
PapaSolo Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: PapaSoloProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 4, 2016 6:39 PM
Reply to: Msg 921412 by Grrly Girl
"Sixty percent of all statistics are wrong."

~Albert Einstein
Msg: 921549
shiloh Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: shilohProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 6, 2016 10:27 AM
Reply to: Msg 921427 by Kelsung
I once told a plant manager that was trying to reprimanded me based on some figures he had that you can make the numbers mean anything you want them to mean.

Case in point......

Everyone who has ever taken a drink of water has died so water must be poison.

Msg: 921552
Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: Oberon_KenobiProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 6, 2016 11:59 AM
Reply to: Msg 921549 by shiloh
Everyone who has ever taken a drink of water has died so water must be poison.

Msg: 921554
Khameleon Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: KhameleonProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 6, 2016 2:14 PM
Reply to: Msg 921552 by Oberon_Kenobi
Funny you mention that.

In grad school, we labeled certain solvent bottles as Dihydrogen Monoxide around lab for a joke. It seems that some safety officers don't know much about chemistry and don't quite understand the joke. On an annual inspection, we were cited for keeping "highly reactive" monoxide compounds out on the lab bench and not properly labeling our acids and bases.

Though to be fair -- how does one properly label Dihydrogen Monoxide -- acid? base? bacid? acidase?

Needless to say, our boss wasn't thrilled about the citations and had several heated discussions with the safety officers about the bogus charges.
Msg: 921580
DoubleSaj and Old Blue Subject: Re: Beware!
Author: DoubleSaj and Old BlueProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 7, 2016 10:00 AM
Reply to: Msg 921412 by Grrly Girl
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

I thought these numbers looked way high. Then I too looked on line and concluded that they actually could be low! At the very least, they are in the ballpark.

I also notice that when letterboxes are presented with a truly scary statistic, they mark it funny.

Old Blue
denial apparently is a river in Africa
Msg: 922973
Subject: Keith & Bob go skiing
Author: Grrly GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 25, 2016 4:36 AM
Keith decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Keith's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbour’s will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Keith said, 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Keith got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that really attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob

'Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

Be honest, you thought the ending would be little bit different, didn't you?...You know you smiled... now keep that smile for the rest of the day!
Msg: 923111
ASL Girl Subject: Re: Keith & Bob go skiing
Author: ASL GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Mar 27, 2016 9:31 PM
Reply to: Msg 922973 by Grrly Girl
Thank for the funny post today Grrly Girl!!!!

ASL Girl
Msg: 925488
Subject: mom & the nursing home
Author: Grrly GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Apr 29, 2016 5:47 AM
One evening my family brought our frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.
“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart”
Msg: 925503
RDHG Subject: Re: mom & the nursing home
Author: RDHGProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Apr 29, 2016 7:32 AM
Reply to: Msg 925488 by Grrly Girl
Doh! I admit that I did not see (small?) that punchline coming.
Msg: 925548
crosscresent Subject: Re: mom & the nursing home
Author: crosscresentProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Apr 29, 2016 6:41 PM
Reply to: Msg 925488 by Grrly Girl
Wow!!! We use to tell that joke in Elementary School. Thanks for the memory! :-)
Msg: 940316
Subject: Sheep dog
Author: Grrly GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jan 9, 2017 4:14 AM
A farmer has 895 sheep. Realizing that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and his only sheepdog is getting a old, he decides he'll probably need a whole team of dogs to round so many sheep up.
So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.
"Why yes," says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, and I don't think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many."
The shopkeeper says, "I've got just the thing for you." and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.
"Are you sure?" asks the farmer, "I have very many sheep and I don't think one dog will be able to round all of them up.".
"I'm sure." says the shopkeeper, "This is a very intelligent dog. He's been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I've ever seen."
"Yes," says the dog, "I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering." The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn't be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.
That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields. "Well," says the farmer, "I'd like you to round up all of these sheep.".
"Okay." replies the dog, "You have nine hundred sheep."
Msg: 940450
DarkZen and Evil Cow Pie Subject: Re: Sheep dog
Author: DarkZen and Evil Cow PieProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jan 11, 2017 10:18 PM
Reply to: Msg 940316 by Grrly Girl
: )
Msg: 941115
ASL Girl Subject: Re: Sheep dog
Author: ASL GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jan 24, 2017 9:42 PM
Reply to: Msg 940316 by Grrly Girl

ASL Girl
Msg: 946234
Raven Subject: This one made me think of Grrly Girl!
Author: RavenProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: May 29, 2017 12:56 PM
A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain! She and her husband were estatic. But when they got home, they found the mailman dead on the porch.
Msg: 946251
Subject: Re: This one made me think of Grrly Girl!
Author: Grrly GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: May 30, 2017 2:56 AM
Reply to: Msg 946234 by Raven
We were wondering why our mail looked like someone just threw it all over the yard.
Oh, and we named the baby Cliff.
Msg: 946327
Raven Subject: Oh no, help!
Author: RavenProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: May 31, 2017 3:43 PM
My computer got the Miley virus and it's stopped twerking!!
Msg: 946328
DarkZen and Evil Cow Pie Subject: Re: Oh no, help!
Author: DarkZen and Evil Cow PieProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: May 31, 2017 3:49 PM
Reply to: Msg 946327 by Raven
Yeah but I bet it still sticks its tongue out, huh?
Msg: 946352
F'inA Adventurers Subject: Re: Oh no, help!
Author: F'inA AdventurersProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 1, 2017 9:53 AM
Reply to: Msg 946327 by Raven
Did it hit you like a Wrecking Ball?! ;)
Msg: 951045
Subject: I think cocoa bean is a fruit, but who really cares!
Author: Grrly GirlProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Sep 8, 2017 9:58 AM
Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.

Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
Msg: 951051
JampersandJ Subject: Re: I think cocoa bean is a fruit, but who really cares!
Author: JampersandJProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Sep 8, 2017 11:17 AM
Reply to: Msg 951045 by Grrly Girl
Atlas Quest: International Letterboxing
So, being American is what will kill us. Not what we eat or drink. (>.<)
Msg: 961794
Topcollector Subject: Bad joke
Author: TopcollectorProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 28, 2018 11:07 AM
Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain when he went to the dentist?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.
Msg: 961797
JampersandJ Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: JampersandJProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 28, 2018 12:41 PM
Reply to: Msg 961794 by Topcollector
Must be a slow day on the boards....
Msg: 961800
Don't Panic Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: Don't PanicProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 28, 2018 1:32 PM
Reply to: Msg 961797 by JampersandJ
Must be a slow day on the boards....

Shhhh! We're trying not to encourage her.
Msg: 961801
crosscresent Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: crosscresentProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 28, 2018 1:42 PM
Reply to: Msg 961794 by Topcollector
I'm stealing that. That's hilarious
Msg: 961805
Topcollector Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: TopcollectorProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 28, 2018 2:19 PM
Reply to: Msg 961801 by crosscresent
Heard it on the radio at lunch and had to share.
Msg: 961818
DarkZen and Evil Cow Pie Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: DarkZen and Evil Cow PieProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 28, 2018 7:46 PM
Reply to: Msg 961794 by Topcollector
A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."
Msg: 961842
Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: StasiaBooProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 29, 2018 4:17 PM
Reply to: Msg 961794 by Topcollector
A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?” “Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”
Msg: 961843
Subject: Re: Bad joke
Author: Oberon_KenobiProfileContactLogbookNote
Date: Jun 29, 2018 6:18 PM
Reply to: Msg 961842 by StasiaBoo
Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.
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