I wonder what the statistics would be if you included the NON accidental gun deaths?

This spawned a question for me, what are the gun death rates by police? This is difficult to determine because it is difficult to determine how many police there are in the United States. So, let's use Wikipedia numbers since I didn't find any better numbers in my few minutes of searching. Even these numbers are admitted in the article to not be accurate, but they are the best I have found.

120,000 federal (2008) + 17,985 (2012) = 137,985
288 (2010) killings by police officers
=====
0.002087183
.
.
.

Category	Number	Population	#/Pop
Accidental deaths per physician	120,000	700,000	0.171
Deaths per police	288	137,985	0.002087183
All injury deaths (US) 2013	192,945	316.5 M	0.000609621
----- Poisoning	48,545		0.000153381
----- Motor vehicle traffic	33,804		0.000106806
----- Firearms	33,636		0.000106275
Firearm deaths per person (US) 2013 (CDC)	33,636	316.5 M	0.000106275
----- Suicide	21,175		0.000066904
----- Homicide	11,208		0.000035412
----- Unintentional discharges	505		0.000001596
----- Legal intervention/war	467		0.000001476
----- Undetermined	281		0.000000888
Accidental deaths per gun owner	1,500	80 M	0.0000188
Fatal unintentional drowning (US)	3,533	301.15 M (2005 - 2009 average)	0.000011732

Once I started this research, I decided to follow it to it's end, no matter how it came out. An interesting thing that came out is that the death rate per person is higher for the unintentional use of water than the unintentional use (discharge) of guns.

And to answer the question that I had too: What is a fatal intentional drowning? I'm assuming that it is a homicide.

I thought that I could keep editing (because of a recent update), but the edit button is gone.

I use statistics from different years in my previous post because that is what is available in the CDC and other statistics that I found.

And this thread has moved from the "Funny Pages". It should probably be in "Off Topic Wildly".

"Sixty percent of all statistics are wrong."

~Albert Einstein

I once told a plant manager that was trying to reprimanded me based on some figures he had that you can make the numbers mean anything you want them to mean.

Case in point......

Everyone who has ever taken a drink of water has died so water must be poison.

Shiloh

Funny you mention that.

In grad school, we labeled certain solvent bottles as Dihydrogen Monoxide around lab for a joke. It seems that some safety officers don't know much about chemistry and don't quite understand the joke. On an annual inspection, we were cited for keeping "highly reactive" monoxide compounds out on the lab bench and not properly labeling our acids and bases.

Though to be fair -- how does one properly label Dihydrogen Monoxide -- acid? base? bacid? acidase?

Needless to say, our boss wasn't thrilled about the citations and had several heated discussions with the safety officers about the bogus charges.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

I thought these numbers looked way high. Then I too looked on line and concluded that they actually could be low! At the very least, they are in the ballpark.

I also notice that when letterboxes are presented with a truly scary statistic, they mark it funny.

Old Blue
denial apparently is a river in Africa

Keith decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Keith's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbour’s will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Keith said, 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Keith got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that really attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob

'Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

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Be honest, you thought the ending would be little bit different, didn't you?...You know you smiled... now keep that smile for the rest of the day!

Thank for the funny post today Grrly Girl!!!!

ASL Girl

One evening my family brought our frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.
“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart”

Doh! I admit that I did not see (small?) that punchline coming.

Wow!!! We use to tell that joke in Elementary School. Thanks for the memory! :-)

A farmer has 895 sheep. Realizing that this is quite a lot of sheep for one farm, and his only sheepdog is getting a old, he decides he'll probably need a whole team of dogs to round so many sheep up.
So the next day, the farmer goes to the pet store. He looks around at the various herding dogs- they seem very fit, but young and untrained. The shopkeeper asks the farmer if he wants any help.
"Why yes," says the farmer. I need a team of sheepdogs to help round up my flock. I have a rather large number of sheep, and I don't think any of these young pups would be up to the task of rounding up so many."
The shopkeeper says, "I've got just the thing for you." and leads the farmer into a small back room, where a single sheepdog sits waiting.
"Are you sure?" asks the farmer, "I have very many sheep and I don't think one dog will be able to round all of them up.".
"I'm sure." says the shopkeeper, "This is a very intelligent dog. He's been well-trained for many jobs and has skills beyond any other dog I've ever seen."
"Yes," says the dog, "I know six languages, eight martial arts and I have a degree in engineering." The farmer, clearly very impressed by this dog- who wouldn't be impressed by that?- decides to take him home.
That afternoon, the farmer and the dog walk together up hill, and from the top they can see the entire flock covering the fields. "Well," says the farmer, "I'd like you to round up all of these sheep.".
"Okay." replies the dog, "You have nine hundred sheep."

Funny!
: )

*GROOOOAAANNNNNNNN*

ASL Girl

A married couple went to the hospital to have their baby delivered. Upon their arrival, the doctor said he had invented a new machine that would transfer a portion of the mother's labor pain to the baby's father. He asked if they were willing to try it out. They were both very much in favor of it. The doctor set the pain transfer to 10% for starters, explaining that even 10% was probably more pain than the father had ever experienced before. However, as the labor progressed, the husband felt fine and asked the doctor to go ahead and kick it up a notch. The doctor then adjusted the machine to 20% pain transfer. The husband was still feeling fine. The doctor checked the husband's blood pressure and was amazed at how well he was doing. At this point, they decided to try for 50%. The husband continued to feel quite well. Since the pain transfer was obviously helping out the wife considerably, the husband encouraged the doctor to transfer ALL the pain to him. The wife delivered a healthy baby with virtually no pain! She and her husband were estatic. But when they got home, they found the mailman dead on the porch.

We were wondering why our mail looked like someone just threw it all over the yard.
Oh, and we named the baby Cliff.

My computer got the Miley virus and it's stopped twerking!!

Yeah but I bet it still sticks its tongue out, huh?
:)

Did it hit you like a Wrecking Ball?! ;)

Q: Doctor, I've heard that cardiovascular exercise can prolong life. Is this true?
A: Your heart is only good for so many beats, and that's it... don't waste them on exercise.

Everything wears out eventually. Speeding up your heart will not make you live longer; that's like saying you can extend the life of your car by driving it faster. Want to live longer? Take a nap.

Q: Should I cut down on meat and eat more fruits and vegetables?
A: You must grasp logistical efficiencies. What does a cow eat? Hay and corn. And what are these? Vegetables. So a steak is nothing more than an efficient mechanism of delivering vegetables to your system. Need grain? Eat chicken. Beef is also a good source of field grass (green leafy vegetable). And a pork chop can give you 100% of your recommended daily allowance of vegetable products.

Q: Should I reduce my alcohol intake?
A: No, not at all. Wine is made from fruit. Brandy is distilled wine, that means they take the water out of the fruity bit so you get even more of the goodness that way. Beer is also made out of grain. Bottoms up!

Q: How can I calculate my body/fat ratio?
A: Well, if you have a body and you have fat, your ratio is one to one. If you have two bodies, your ratio is two to one, etc.

Q: What are some of the advantages of participating in a regular exercise program?
A: Can't think of a single one, sorry. My philosophy is: No Pain...Good!

Q: Aren't fried foods bad for you?
A: YOU'RE NOT LISTENING!!! ..... Foods are fried these days in vegetable oil. In fact, they're permeated in it. How could getting more vegetables be bad for you?

Q: Will sit-ups help prevent me from getting a little soft around the middle?
A: Definitely not! When you exercise a muscle, it gets bigger. You should only be doing sit-ups if you want a bigger stomach.

Q: Is chocolate bad for me?
A: Are you crazy? HELLO Cocoa beans! Another vegetable!!! It's the best feel-good food around!

Q: Is swimming good for your figure?
A: If swimming is good for your figure, explain whales to me.

Q: Is getting in-shape important for my lifestyle?
A: Hey! 'Round' is a shape!
Well, I hope this has cleared up any misconceptions you may have had about food and diets.

And remember:
'Life should NOT be a journey to the grave with the intention of arriving safely in an attractive and well preserved body, but rather to skid in sideways - Chardonnay in one hand - chocolate in the other - body thoroughly used up, totally worn out and screaming 'WOO HOO, What a Ride'

AND....
For those of you who watch what you eat, here's the final word on nutrition and health. It's a relief to know the truth after all those conflicting nutritional studies.
1. The Japanese eat very little fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
2. The Mexicans eat a lot of fat
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
3. The Chinese drink very little red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
4. The Italians drink a lot of red wine
and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.
5. The Germans drink a lot of beers and eat lots of sausages and fats and suffer fewer heart attacks than Americans.

So, being American is what will kill us. Not what we eat or drink. (>.<)

Did you hear about the Buddhist who refused Novocain when he went to the dentist?

He wanted to transcend dental medication.

Must be a slow day on the boards....

Must be a slow day on the boards....

Shhhh! We're trying not to encourage her.

I'm stealing that. That's hilarious

Heard it on the radio at lunch and had to share.

A Zen master visiting New York City goes up to a hot dog vendor and says, "Make me one with everything."

The hot dog vendor fixes a hot dog and hands it to the Zen master, who pays with a $20 bill.
The vendor puts the bill in the cash box and closes it. "Excuse me, but where’s my change?" asks the Zen master.
The vendor responds, "Change must come from within."

A zen student asked his master: “Is it okay to use email?” “Yes”, replied the master, “but with no attachments.”

Q: What happens when a Buddhist becomes totally absorbed with the computer he is working with?
A: He enters Nerdvana.