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Atlas Quest

AQ Marketplace Extravaganza!

Sorry to report, but these were just part of the 2024 April Fools Day joke! None of the items below are real or for sale!

The sad reality of the situation is that AQ is nearly bankrupt. Letterboxing isn’t the booming business it once was, so we’re opening the AQ Marketplace to more merch than ever before! Check out all the cool merch we’re adding!

Green Tortuga Portrait

A shirtless Tortuga, flexing his muscles, with the caption that the photo is suitable for framing.

We’ve heard the demands! You’ve been requesting it for years! And it’s finally here! A portrait of the Green Tortuga!

Enjoy waking up with a view of your Great Leader every morning by your bedside, or display in a prominent location in your living room for guests to admire. Everyone else will be green with envy!

Suitable for framing!

Wassamatta_u Wall Poster

A photo of Wassa’s nipples on fire with the caption: Sometimes, your only purpose in life is to serve as a warning to others.

For those who would also like to honor the #2 man on Atlas Quest, there is also a poster of Wassamatta_u available!

Suitable for framing! Free “Wassa’s Eye Bleach Patch” included!

997-Piece Marjorie Puzzle!

997-piece puzzle box with Marjorie poking her head out from behind a flower

This is the puzzle you’ve always wanted! Spend an afternoon or two putting together this delightful 997-piece puzzle of Marjorie. Previously used, but in excellent condition!

Suitable for framing!

AQ Ceremonial Candles

Three burning candles with the AQ logo on each of them

When you need guidance and help finding that particularly difficult-to-find box, nothing helps more lighting these AQ ceremonial candles, chanting the AQ Letterboxer’s Chant and praying to the Great Green One for divine help.

There is even some evidence that they may help reduce mosquito populations and put to sleep snakes, cockroaches and angry chipmunks that might be located near the boxes you are seeking.

Matches not included. Suitable for burning.

Salt-Free Sugar Packets!

An old-fashioned sugar packet labeled as fat-free and includes the AQ logo

Trying to get healthy and cut the salt intake? We’ve got the perfect item: salt-free sugar packets! Now enjoy your cup of Joe without all that added salt with our patent-pending salt-free sugar packets!

Comes in packs of 100

Fat-Free Salt!

A fat-free salt package with a logo of a salt-shaker with arms flexing its muscles

Looking to cut the fat without losing the taste? Try our new fat-free salt packages! High in important nutrients like sodium and 100% organic, harvested from the sweet sweat of a Tortuga hiking through the pristine Arizona deserts.

100% organic and made in the USA!

Comes in sets of 3, since supply is extremely limited.

Sugar-Free Lard!

A tub of sugar-free lard labeled with the AQ logo.

Finally, an alternative to all the lard stuffed with sugar and artificial flavors! This tub of lard includes absolutely no sugar or artificial sweeteners, and is 100% pure lard. Perfect for getting a letterbox out of a tight tree hollow or even useful for cooking!

100% organic and made in the USA.

Fake Poo!

Fake poo!

Fake rock? This is even better! This highly-realistic poo has a hidden mini-compartment on the bottom that allows you to hide a letterbox that nobody will ever touch! To reinforce the mirage, it even goes one step further with a noxious scent applied to keep even the most curious muggles away!

100% organic and made in the USA.

Fake Spiders!

Dozens of Fake Spiders!

Sprinkle a few of these on your letterboxes and muggles will avoid your box like the plague... or rather, like a plague of invading spiders!

Fake Snake!

A realistic (but fake) snake coiled up and ready to strike!

If spiders alone are not enough to protect your box against muggles, upgrade with this highly-realistic snake that looks like it’s angry and about to strike! The space inside the coil is large enough to fit a small letterbox, reducing the need to cover it with rocks or sticks.

Lock-Picking Kit!

Marjorie learns to use a full-featured lock-picking kit on a practice lock

Are you annoyed at those stupid boxes at events that are locked up tight and require solving a complex cipher in order to get the lock combination to open?

Not anymore! With our lock-picking set, you can skip the mental puzzles and break into the box using non-destructive methods! Kit includes two picks, two rakes, three tension bars and a practice lock! Fun for the whole family!

Wassa Flock!

Dozens of face printouts of Wassa stuck into a green lawn

Wassa-flocking! Image the horror and delight your letterboxing friends will have when they discover potentially hundreds of Wassa faces that you stuck into their front lawn during the night!

Wassa Insurance!

A single Wassa face, stuck into a grassy lawn protects against a full flock of Wassa

Maybe you’re terrified of being Wassa-flocked. Never fear! You can insure yourself against a full-fledged invasion by inoculating your yard with just a single Wassa face.

They are good for at least one month or until the first rain—whichever comes first. After that, you may need to purchase additional Wassa insurance.

Silver Eagle’s Fountain of Youth Potion!

An old-fashioned bottle with the words “Fountain of Youth” and “Cure-all” next to an image of Silver Eagle

We all know Silver Eagle helped build the pyramids, so how does he keep his relatively youthful look? I dug into the matter and discovered the secret he has been hoarding for centuries! Silver Eagle has been drinking from the famed Fountain of Youth, which cures everything from bunions to old age! Now you too can enjoy this magical potion!