My wedding, as of today is just less than 5 months away. Friday we got a call from the place we were having the reception... it was a nightclub that is now closed, it has a restaurant and a bar attached to it that we frequent and the family that owns it and my fiance's are close, so it was pretty natural to have it there and best of all, they were giving it to us at no charge.... we had to buy all the alcohol thru them and clean it before and after ourselves. They cancelled. Apparently they rented it out for storage, forgot about us.

All of my plans for decorating were finished based on what we had to work with at this place. Oh, and our pig roasters cancelled on us last Thursday.... oh, yeah, and my boss' wife was going to make our cake for us as a gift, but as of Friday that has changed as well. In the course of two days, my entire wedding plans went to pot pretty much and I have to start over. With 5 months to go!

People's reactions? "This is so something that would happen to you." Which is true. "Why can't you just push the date out to next year?" Because we want to be married now, the date was a compromise and it's already our anniversary. "Well, just don't worry about it, things will fall into place." Uh, who's going to make them fall into place? Me? How am I supposed to do that without some worrying?

My parents say, "don't worry, we'll help." Okay, great and thanks.... but we need more than help. We were working with something that was free (therefore we could afford) and now at this date, we're looking at probably at least $1500 (and that's with cutting the guest list). They say, well, let's just go out to a fancy dinner afterwards with immediate family.... excuse me, but my compromise on having this big wedding was the dancing and open bar at the reception, that's all I really really wanted. Who the heck is going to drive 5+ hours for a wedding and not get fed dinner? Because about 80% of the guest list has to drive at least 3+ hours.

I threw my hands up last night finally, after all the jokes and bull that I was listening to and said, know what? I planned my part, it all blew up, so everyone else can figure it out now, because I'm done. I want to elope and if we're not doing it, then I'm done with working on this. My parents are in town and if they're paying the deposit, it has to be done by tomorrow. Now we're having a big dinner tonight with his mom and her fiance, my parents and us.... so we can probably listen to more jokes about how it's just our luck. Get told to cut our guest list down again (which is all family, that sounds like fun). And more "we'll help" with no idea what that really means.

And somehow I'm a negative nancy and a bridezilla and "no one wants to help a person like that?" I can't do anything right and it's driving me nuts and I just had to say something or explode. This is all after my first maid of honor was asked to step down because she all of sudden decided I was making a mockery of the sanctity of marriage and too immoral for her children to be associated with (she's got issues obviously).... all this wedding has done is ruin a friendship, cause me stress, cost us money, and now I'm getting called names.... WHEN MY MOUTH IS PRETTY MUCH SHUT AND I'M LETTING OTHER PEOPLE PLAN IT?!

moonduck (stuck helpless at work with a guy who's fiancee is planning their wedding and a girl who is eloping to avoid all of this herself and who both think she's stressing too much)..... I think I'm going to throw up now. Thanks for listening.

I am sorry all this had happened to you! I think if you try your best to keep your spirits up Everything will work out! It sounds like things can only improve from here! I truly hope everything works out for you! would it be feesible to have the weding in a park? that might be cheaper then fiding a hall last minute. The most important thing is that you and your fiancee will finally be married! Think of the positives!
chadams

I'm so sorry this is happening to you. I eloped to aviod what you are going through.

Aw, hugs to you! That really stinks, to have all that drop out from under you. Let yourself be upset, but try to keep a sense of humor. It's happened. It can't be undone. And getting worked into a frazzle will only make it worse for you. (Yeah, I know, easy for me to say!)

Chadams' idea of a park might be worth looking into. Some of our county parks have rooms you can rent, with a kitchen attached. There might be something similar in your area. (I'm thinking November in Michigan, you might not want to be outside!)

Okay, just throwing ideas out here, without knowing how fancy your plan was, but to replace the pig-roasters, our local BBQ restaurant caters. Maybe yours does, too. You tell them how many people, and they'll either deliver big trays of food, or someone can pick it up. Or there are companies that'll come out and cook stuff on a grill in a park.

Hmmm. As for the cake, if she was going to make it as a gift, and had to cancel, it'd have been nice if she'd offered to buy one as her gift . . . Not much we can do about that, though. Can't grab her by the throat and force her! I don't suppose you know anyone else who bakes?

Okay, maybe none of this is helpful at all, and if not, just ignore it. But I think all you can do is say, here's where we are, we need a place, and some food, and a cake. Then take them one at a time and make a new plan. (Again, easy for me to say, and I'm really not making light of your situation, which is so, so hard, any way you look at it!)

Either that, or elope and send everyone a postcard from Vegas, or wherever!

DebBee

Sorry to hear about all the troubles... but at least you have 5 months left =o) I did all my planning in one week because neither my fiance nor myself lived in the town where we got married (we were both away at college just before the wedding)... one week to pick the dress, flowers, photographer, wedding/reception location, DJ, everything! It can be done =o)

Good luck!
Cheers!
Rhea

I hope what I am getting ready to type will in no way demean you any further...

1. Do YOU want the big wedding or does your fiancee or everyone else?

2. What would make you most happy, to be married in front of tons of people who also know all you've been through for this wedding or to just be married to the one you love?

3. Is this really what you want to go through?

Now, here's my take on the whole thing... and my own personal solution that worked, I swear.

My sister had the big wedding (well, average sized, but still a headache to plan and manage). I chose to take the easy route. Family member's back yard (they did all the decorations). Barbeque cooking in the front yard (all paid for and cooked by my father). Eating in the backyard after the wedding was over (so easy to just change clothes and move a few chairs and tables). I made our invitations on the computer ($100 program that we still periodically use today. I sent one invitation to my church and if people came then great if not then great too. My bridesmaid dresses were bought for less than $45 each from the clearance rack at Dillards. My dress was a gift from my bestest friend in the world. The men (except for the pastor) wore only dress pants, white shirt and simple tie. My flowers, well I didn't carry any and I made my own bridesmaids flowers and they got to keep them as a keepsake. Basically my wedding cost less than $500 for me personally. (I even had a dog for an honorary bridemaid, bow in the hair and all). I have since made my own album of the wedding, nothing but candid shots and a few posed ones. But I had NO photographer, no wedding planner, no reservations, no headache. I planned it all in about 3 weeks. My sister sang a song for me and my family had cameras from every direction.

Believe me, all that mattered in the end was that I was happy. Not my wedding guests. Not the neighbors who had to smell the food all day and not get invited. Not the parking miseries that it caused that entire neighborhood.

I WAS (and still am) HAPPY!!! I remember every second of my wedding. I wonder how many people can actually say that. It was such a relaxed day.

Now, the moral of this story is... It is YOUR wedding. Make it what YOU want it to be. If you want big, then you are going to have to buck up and get to work. If you want just to be happy, then get a move on.

And when someone comes and says "well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be, this must be a sign". Tell them to take their sign and *_______________*

That's just BS

And when someone comes and says "well, maybe it just wasn't meant to be, this must be a sign". Tell them to take their sign and *_______________*

That's just BS


I couldn't possibly have said it better than that! :) Keep your chin up.

-HG

You already said it, but I will say it again. Elope.

I have two words for you: POTLUCK RECEPTION.

Now, according to your post, you have people driving from a long way away, so it may not be feasible for everyone who is attending.

But, can some of the intown guests and family make some nice big dishes for a potluck reception afterward? That way, the guest list doesn't necessarily need to be cut down. Paper plates & cups and plasticware mean little clean up.

I ended up throwing my wedding together in 3 weeks before we moved across the country for my job.

My boss' wife (an herbalist) had lots of dried flowers and lent them to me for table decorations. I'm sure some of your friends, if they don't have dried flowers, will have something to lend or give for the tables or for other decoration.

Can some of your family each donate a few disposable cameras? The guests take the pictures at the reception and those turn out great. (At my 10th anniv. renewal of vows, I had those cameras and 2 special ones — different brand & color — for my nephews, so they could take all the pictures they wanted and have fun and not destroy the possibility of good pics.)

I don't know what you have on your gift list (if you have one) or if you really wanted to have lots of gifts because you originally wanted to elope. But you can have decorations, cake, potluck items given in lieu of wedding gifts, if it will make you feel better about your day.

I want to say that you have every right to feel stressed, even if you hadn't wanted to elope in the first place. Weddings are big events with the potential of lots of stress, and what has blown up in your face recently is above and beyond the usual, I don't care what people say about your luck. You are supported by me in feeling how you do right now.

Vent with someone sympathetic, grieve for the plans you had that fell apart. Then, when you are ready, take a deep breath and start figuring how you will make this better, less stressful and the day YOU want.

You have my thoughts and prayers.

KuKu

I have two words for you: POTLUCK RECEPTION.


What a neat idea. When I get married I might have to think harder abuot that idea. :)
-HG

I tell ya, it's great.

If what you want is a day for friends and family to celebrate together, then a potluck reception is terrific. Most people are willing to bring something, and there is a wide range of dishes, not just the 3 or 4 you end up picking from a caterer.

Also, you can be so worked up (little sleep, last minute details, family freaking out), that you can have a beautiful catered dinner of your favorite dishes that you end up not eating or not enjoying.

Some people really want to spend the money and have a big sit-down dinner and that is fine and wonderful for them. But that's not what I personally wanted and throwing my wedding together in 3 weeks before I moved across the country, well, I don't know what else I could have done!

KuKu

Another perspective.

I dislike the idea of a potluck reception. It sort of seems to me like when people include little notices of where they're registered in their wedding invitations. That's so tacky! You are inviting people to your special event, not holding them upside down and shaking out their pockets. It is customary to give a wedding gift, but it's not required. If you have friends who want to pitch in, that's a fabulous bonus, but you can't expect everyone to.

I think it's fine to do just cake and punch and perhaps appetizers if that's what you can afford. People will get together and go out to dinner--you DON'T have to feed them (just schedule the wedding for 1pm). Dump the open bar...whatever. None of the guests mind if it's a stripped down version of what you originally had in mind.

Put some of you and your groom's personalities into it...and it will be more memorable for all the attendees. Like beer? Have it at a microbrewery! Love hockey? Hold it at the ice rink! There are lots of affordable places out there...just start with the people who you are and ideas will come to you.

Best wishes! Have fun with the planning--we're all here to help. And letterboxers are such a creative bunch, I'm sure that we can help you come up with some creative (and thrifty ideas)...I for one am a whiz at cheap table decorations.

dewberry

I'm sorry to hear about everything that has gone completely wrong for you!

The idea of a potluck reception is wonderful!

My husband and I went to visit my sister in Cali a few years ago. From there we drove to Vegas to see a couple of shows and spend the weekend...nothing more. But.....at about 3 a.m. I went and bought a little black dress with pink flowers and we ended up at the little white wedding chapel and got married with my sis and her friend as our witnesses. We then called our families and told them. They all said they knew we would do it and congratulated us.


We got home from that trip and told our kids. They were happy, but sad that they weren't there. So almost 2 1/2 years later on a completely different date we had an official ceremony and reception. Just like we had never been married before. It was great, and now we have 2 anniversaries (which is great because we have the same birthday, so it gives us another day to celebrate).


Just a thought but if you wanted to elope...do it....if you want to have a big reception of friends, food and fun....do it...


it may not all happen on the same day or even the same year, but in the end you get to have both.




Good Luck!!!!!!


~LUNA crew

My wedding was a bit different. We had a VERY impromptu, VERY small ceremony at a friend's house with only five other people present besides the pastor. Neither my wife's nor my family were there. Several months later, my parents held a private brunch reception for my side of family, and that was it.

We couldn't be happier, and we couldn't have been happier without forgoing all the hoopla.

So I speak from experience: dump the family. Let 'em sort it out later.

Invite all your 'boxing buddies to a "We're Getting Married!" Gathering. Make it a potluck (we've all been to gatherings and have no problem doing so). Instead of a guest register, you have an event book. Instead of throwing rice, everyone saves every teeny little bit of carving scrap and they throw that. The list goes on...

The moral of the story: it's your wedding, you do what you want and don't let anybody's comments deter you from what's really important: that fact that you're getting married.

I should probably add that our "official ceremony" was really not so official. Our guests and even our JP said that our was the most unique wedding they have ever been to.

We cut corners any and everywhere we could. We rented out a beautiful barn for any 7 hr period of the day we picked.We were responcible for decorating it however we wanted and for cleaning up after. I found 10 strands of 100 lights (we ordered 2 boxes of those) on ebay for $25 total. We cut vines and wildflowers from my M-I-L's yard to go along the tables-free. We bought little silver frames from Christmas tree shop and printed up little sayings of love and put them along the tables as well.
That was the place we had the ceremony (it rained so we couldn't use the lovely grounds...but it cleared up for pics) and reception. We aren't religious at all so I wrote/found different parts to our ceremony. When each guest arrived they were to take a seashell (that our kids gathered) and forma circle where we would stand during the ceremony. It symbolized the encircling of love from our guests. Then I picked special people in my life and they each held 1 flower (I picked gerber daisies) as I passed them down the "aisle" I stopped and they gave the flower (along with a hug) by my last one (7 total) I had my bouquet...very inexpensive and quite personal. My bridesmaids were given 3 colors and told to get any dress they wanted using any or all of those colors. Our favors were cds made by my stepmom and stepsister. A bunch of songs that my hubby and I like. Only cost the price of the cds.

Our food was buffet. The usual, pasta, salad, rolls, veggies, chicken. A friend provided all of this plus plates, napkins and silverware for about $3.00 per person. There was a moveable bar at the barn so I had my 22 year old cousin bartend and asked if she would just accept tips as payment. She made $250 that night. We bought boxed wine, can beer and big bottles of soda and water and she poured them into cups. Pretty inexpensive overall.

I am blabbering on and on...sorry. But the whole point was, we were already married so I had little pressure to conform to what others thought MY wedding should be. We made our day special and unlike anything anyone had ever seen.


Good luck!!!

I have a lot of stress about getting married (not engaged yet, but I'm trying to get the details sorted out in my head before the planning actually HAS to begin :D) and the wedding ceremony too. I totally understand how you feel about cutting the guest list, only having family or only having friends and offending people. As much as I want to exclude half of my family, there's a part of me that knows how hurt they'll be (and since they're Catholic I know the guilt trips I'll have to endure :D). I waiver on it all the time! I don't want the cookie cutter wedding, I don't want the white dress, these things are easy enough to decide, but some things are just so complicated. I feel your pain!!!

However, my friend Sarah had a FANTASTIC wedding at a club that she regularly frequents (it's a small bar for indie-rockers), and the reception was at a bowling alley, and everyone had a great time. The more I think about it, the more I want something like that (I'm considering a letterboxing-themed wedding). And an idea that just came to me while reading this thread is for table decorations, you should have a contest! For me, I would totally go with whoever can make the tackiest, most hilarious table decoration, but if that's not your thing, why not have them compete to make the most beautiful table decor? I think that would be so much fun! :)

Keep us posted on what happens! I can't speak for everyone but I'm more than happy to chip in with helping brainstorm ideas and whatnot! :)

-gollygee

You've had a ton of suggestions on what to do next and that's great. I'm going to take a different route and only because this industry is near and dear to my heart. Possibly could be viewed as tough love and that's ok. Take it as you will and perhaps it might help someone else that is reading this. You still have 5 months to go and maybe my suggestions might help you too.

First off it sucks to have this stuff go down the way it did. It doesn't matter if you're planning a wedding and reception that would rival Princess Diane's or a small intimate gathering in someone's backyard, to have things go wrong and turn south feels the same no matter what. I'm sorry that you're experiencing this...

Now you need to decide what type of wedding (and almost more importantly reception) that you want. What is it you (and your fiance) REALLY want? Not what your parents or whoever expects but how do you envision your special day?

If you come to the conclusion that you want something small and intimate you should have no problem regrouping and making new plans. If you do want to stick to your original plan then here are my suggestions...and here is where the tough love part comes into play.

If you have to rely on free services or gifts to provide all of the wedding and reception implements to make this thing go off correctly....DON'T! Postpone the wedding, sit down and make a realistic timeline that would allow you to save up the $$, and do it right. (or if parents are helping out - which is totally cool - get an exact and realistic dollar amount from them so you can plan accordingly) When you start relying on services that have no charge to little charge for the most important day of your life, you're going to run into problems. Why rely on unprofessionals to provide the goods and services for your wedding day? Your hall...which was free...got scheduled right out from underneath you. Your cake - which was a gift - something happened to that now. I hate to ask what you were doing to provide music for dancing. A free dj? A $400 dj?

That's where it hits close to home. Not to blow my own horn but I am a wedding entertainment director (dj in laymens terms) and unfortunately I see this happening ALL the time. Usually I see it when it comes to dj's/entertainment but your situation reminds me that it can happen in all facets of the wedding industry.

Again, figuring out what is important to the two of you is what's going to determine where you put your wedding $$'s. Is it the location of the hall? (romantic, unique, fancy, outdoors) is it the food? (catered, potluck, heavy appetizers) is it the music? (iPod, boom box, dj that sucks, dj that works for beer, a professional dj that charges a professional price...you get the idead....LOL) Perhaps it's extras like little gifts for all the guests, slip covers on the chairs, elaborate centerpieces, expensive gifts for the groomsmen and bridesmaids?

Only you can decide what is most important. I will you tell you this....if entertainment is the least bit important to you remember a couple of things. (and this is where I become very biased) After the location of the hall, the food, centerpieces and chair slipcovers - the very thing that will be remembered most of all is the entertainment and the dj. (or lack of one - 81% of guests say this according to an article in St Louis Bride & Groom magazine)

In the same survey, during wedding planning, Brides say their highest priority is there attire, followed by the reception site and caterer - reception entertainment is among the least of their priorities. Within one week after their reception, 78% of Brides say they would have made the entertainment their highest priority!

Also:
72% of all brides say they would have spent more time choosing their reception entertainment.

And finally:
Almost 100% say they would have spent more of their budget on the entertainment.

Sorry for the commercial/preaching but some people just don't see this stuff until it's too late. A good, professional dj will cost you $ but it will be well worth it. A boom box or iPod cannot make announcements or watch the crowd and play music accordingly to what's happening on the dancefloor. An inexperienced or non professional dj will be unpolished, may have low end equipment, not coordinate with a photographer or catering staff be late, not show up at all or even play music that HE likes. (or she for that matter)

I know this has been longwinded but I'm just trying to help. Figure out what is the most important to the two of you, make a budget, and cut corners on areas that are NOT that important (centerpieces, gifts, etc) and put the wedding dollars where they WILL - in the long run - have the greatest impact...on the entertainment.

I wish I could edit my own post! What I said was:

Quote

After the location of the hall, the food, centerpieces and chair slipcovers - the very thing that will be remembered most of all is the entertainment and the dj. (or lack of one - 81% of guests say this according to an article in St Louis Bride & Groom magazine)

What I was trying to say was that "more than" the location of the hall, food, centerpieces, etc......the entertainment is remembered more then anything.

I think both Lunacrew and gollygee had great ideas for ways to cut corners and still have a fun and unique reception. (and even free up more $ for a professional wedding dj that will work with you to not have a cookie cutter wedding!)

A good book to find is "The Best Wedding Reception...ever!" by Peter Merry. No, I get no money from recommending that book. LOL

Quote

I think both Lunacrew and gollygee had great ideas for ways to cut corners and still have a fun and unique reception. (and even free up more $ for a professional wedding dj that will work with you to not have a cookie cutter wedding!)

Okay nwbulldog, I have a question for you. I was once a DJ (college radio station) and I LOATHE most DJ's (no offense, I'm sure you've heard this before :D). I don't like hearing anyone speak when I'm listening to music (I only listen to CDs in my car and at home). And I CANNOT STAND most of the crap that's played at weddings (Electric Slide, Chicken Dance, Oh What A Night, etc etc etc), it makes me physically ill and I refuse to dance to it (yes I'm a music snob :D). So of course for my wedding I figured it would be me and my iPod. Tell me this: Do you really HAVE to have an announcer? Is there any way to give the DJ a playlist and ONLY allow them to play from that list (which will probably contain more obscure music that non-music snobs may not be familiar with)? Or is that a really bad idea? In that circumstance, is it better to rent an audio system and put one of your friends in charge, or is that another train wreck waiting to happen?

And my last question I can pose to everyone... If the consensus about the wedding is to ignore what everyone else thinks and do what you want... Does the same thing apply to music? Do you play songs you like that are pretty much 100% guaranteed to offend your grandmother? :D

-gollygee

I'm just tired of shenanigans at this point. My fiance just told me that through this I've really surprised him b/c he can tell I'm trying my damnedest not to be bridezilla and the moments I have been, have been moments where I deserved to be.

I cannot convince him to elope. I have tried and tried and it's not going to happen. Can't have it in a park or in a tent in Michigan in November, taking too many chances at that point. I love the potluck idea, but out of the 150 people.... there's about 10 here in town. Everyone else has at least 3 hours to drive.

Luckily my stamp carving skills will be coming in handy, we're making bookmarks for favors and also we're doing all the placemats ourselves as well. We're having a comic book themed wedding, so it'll be different and very representative of us. We're also doing those hershey kiss flowers. A lot of people have just given us things that we're working with (like vases and stuff) and I'm doing my own flowers for me and the girls. I bought my dress on ebay at a steal.

We went to a place this afternoon that we liked, we'll have to cut the guest list down to afford it. Now my parents are saying that they found a place they can afford and the other place costs too much.... but I can have what I want. What does that mean?! And now we have to go look at it but we have to go after 4.... then his mom is coming over at 6, I work until 5. Why do I still feel, even tho I said that I was done planning it and everyone else could figure it out that I am the one running around like a chicken with it's head cut off and I'm the one paying for it and I'm the one who everyone keeps saying, we'll take care of it but then no one will just make a set time for anything?! Why am I the one sitting at work at my desk crying?!

I just want to be married. That's all I want is to start my own family with my man. Everyone's pulling in so many directions, I'm losing control of it all. It's not my wedding anymore and it's all these discussions and ugh!!!! This is not what I wanted and it's making me nasty and ready to say to hell with it, if this is what getting married is about, it's not worth it. It's looking like I'm getting a 2nd job (he already has one) and we're not taking a honeymoon. And please believe me people, this is not a big budget wedding. This is an under $3000 wedding (up to this point it was well under $1500). We just don't have the funds for any of it. And it just makes me scream, why the **** can't we elope?!

Sorry, I went off again, it just gets worse thru the day, but honestly, all the wonderful posts you guys put up really made me laugh and smile and gave me some ideas too. Thanks for all your thoughts and prayers. I'm trying to find the humor in things.... this just isn't my forte either.

moonduck

With iTunes, LimeWire, a laptop and a real good set of speakers, who needs a DJ?

It's called a Playlist, people!

Our dj was a professional, but he also worked with my husband (as a C.O.) so he gave us a great deal. We met with him before hand and other people that work with him and my hubby highly recommended him. So to us, he was the natural selection....and ultimately was wonderful.

I kinda feel the same as you gollygee. I am a dance teacher and choreographer...the last things I want to hear and see at my wedding are the electric slide and the alleycat. I gave our dj a list of absolute DO NOT PLAY AT MY WEDDING! My friends and fam gave me some slack (jokingly) about not having any of these songs (I had a pretty good list of them too). I also listen to hip hop and some harder stuff most of the time, so with my kids there (I listen to the easy listening station when they are in the car with me) I had him play some censored versions of the songs we like. He really only announced when we needed him to (introductions and call to cut the cake).


So I'm not sure if this is the norm for djs to be so accomodating but that was the case with us. It ws just the right touch of talk and the music we wanted to hear. Since then one of our guests has also hired our dj to do their jack and jill and the wedding.


~LUNA crew

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With iTunes, LimeWire, a laptop and a real good set of speakers, who needs a DJ?

It's called a Playlist, people!

This is about the WORST thing you could suggest....

Quote

Do you really HAVE to have an announcer? Is there any way to give the DJ a playlist and ONLY allow them to play from that list (which will probably contain more obscure music that non-music snobs may not be familiar with)? Or is that a really bad idea? In that circumstance, is it better to rent an audio system and put one of your friends in charge, or is that another train wreck waiting to happen?

I had a DJ for my wedding reception and he was fabulous! He sat down with me and my fiance and we went over what we did and DID NOT want at the reception, music, any commentary we did or dod not want, any special songs we did or did not want... it turned out fantastic! No irritating music or banter... he was extremely professional and did everything we wanted (we really were not that controlling but he stayed away from the things I did not want played and graciously accomodated all last minute requests). I my opinion this is the way any professional wedding DJ should operate. If the DJ you are looking to hire does not do this, you do not want him... and feel free to ask for references from RECENT weddings (who cares about hwat he did five years ago). Any professional should come with references (people you can actually call and talk to), even DJ's.

Oh, and to answer the last question...

Quote

If the consensus about the wedding is to ignore what everyone else thinks and do what you want... Does the same thing apply to music? Do you play songs you like that are pretty much 100% guaranteed to offend your grandmother?

I think that yes, you should have the wedding you want, and if you have a darn GOOD reason for playing music that would offend your grandmother, then maybe, but don't you want your guests to have a good time too? That was part of what made my wedding special... everyone had such a good time! If there is one song that is particualrly special to you and your fiance, then play it, but I am still of the school that does not deliberately set out to offend my guests =o)

Cheers!
Rhea

Quote

Our dj was a professional, but he also worked with my husband (as a C.O.) so he gave us a great deal. We met with him before hand and other people that work with him and my hubby highly recommended him. So to us, he was the natural selection....and ultimately was wonderful.

I kinda feel the same as you gollygee. I am a dance teacher and choreographer...the last things I want to hear and see at my wedding are the electric slide and the alleycat. I gave our dj a list of absolute DO NOT PLAY AT MY WEDDING! My friends and fam gave me some slack (jokingly) about not having any of these songs (I had a pretty good list of them too). I also listen to hip hop and some harder stuff most of the time, so with my kids there (I listen to the easy listening station when they are in the car with me) I had him play some censored versions of the songs we like. He really only announced when we needed him to (introductions and call to cut the cake).


So I'm not sure if this is the norm for djs to be so accomodating but that was the case with us. It ws just the right touch of talk and the music we wanted to hear. Since then one of our guests has also hired our dj to do their jack and jill and the wedding.

Luna, it sounds like you had a great experience with a dj! That is awesome! Professional djs will certainly honor a "do not play" list along with making suggestions on what to do when/if he gets several requests for songs that are on that list. If they are professional (as opposed to a hobby) they will most likely subscribe to a music service that offers edited versions of hip hop. It looks like you did your homework in your dj search and that is the most important thing.

Someone made a comment about just getting an iPod and in order to NOT post again regarding this....aside from all the obvious things that can go horribly wrong, after you rent a mic, speakers, amps, etc from your local dj equipment supply (and finding someone to run the whole thing) you will find that getting a decent (notice I said "decent) dj is not much more.

Moonduck,

By no means is THIS what being married is all about. The ceremony and reception are basically just an initiation. If you can make it through the ordeal with just a few scrapes and bruises, you'll be all the stronger for it.

I know it seems like everything's going to hell in a bucket—actually, it appears that it is. But you're not going through this alone. You've got TWO support groups: your family and friends, and your 'boxing buddies from all over the country (and beyond).

It's going to take a little while to recover, but you will. We'll help, and so will your family. Just tell 'em how you feel—how everything you had planned has been all for nothing, that you're very upset about this, and, perhaps, that the "perfect" wedding for you right now would be one that's very near a total surprise!

(That means you don't have to plan or do anything you don't want to. Just delegate!)

Steve

Chicken dance The electric slide and all the others will NEVER BE PLAYED AT MY WEDDING!!!! THEY ARE THE WORST!!!!! I WILL SERIOUSLY LEAVE MY OWN WEDDING IF I HEAR THEM. I have never been to a wedding where I literally didn't go outside of the hall when they came on! They are terrible. I would rather listen to drunken Kareoke then be subjected to that drivel!
chadams

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It's called a Playlist, people!

This is about the WORST thing you could suggest....

Maybe in your opinion, but not everything works for everybody.

If I were to do it all over again, there's certain music I'd want played at my wedding—and some that if I heard I'd throw the DJ right out the door (eg, the chicken dance, the macarena, the hokey pokey...).

But then, I wouldn't be looking for entertainment, just background music that people can talk to or dance to. It's all in the arrangement.

The WORST thing I could suggest is to have the neighbor's kid who's a wanna-be-dj play cds on his boombox.

Wow...bummer....

Om the bright side...I think you still have plenty of time to do this yourself...

Take a deep breath...talk to your man...and make a new plan...

Good luck!

--GoSox