Okay, I'm going to put this out there for discussion and see where it goes.

Hubby isn't much of a traveler. As in, if he never again left Chisago County, he'd be just fine, thankyouverymuch! This isn't to say he doesn't like to travel, just won't go out of his way to do it. Mostly it's the journey that bugs him. He'd rather be able to teleport to the destination and avoid the plane/train/car trip. I'm the opposite. The more kitchy, off-the-wall places to stop, the better.

He also doesn't particularly "get" letterboxing. He's happy to go along on hikes with me and the boys, but doesn't get my fascination with AQ, postals, and meeting other letterboxers. I don't think he's particularly suspicious of the internet aspect of it, he's just not as social as I am that way.

All that said, how do I convince him that driving four hours by myself to a small gathering (one that would include an overnight) of letterboxers I've never met before is, in all likelihood, no more dangerous than driving four hours to visit my mom? There is one other person I know going but I've only met her once, and even though I like her and think a road trip with her would be fine, I don't know that that is enough of a familiarity to convince him. And to be honest, I guess I couldn't blame him.

So c'mon, all you husbands and boyfriends. What would you say if your wife/girlfriend wanted to do something like this? And to be fair you should envision it as something you really have no interest in, not letterboxing.

-AG

Back when I was a merry widow, I would drive to Florida by myself (10 hour drive) to visit my brother's family. I took a vacation for a week, again by myself. There were no cell phones back then. (late 70's, early 80's) Take a cell phone, set up a check-in schedule and have fun. We all have to play safe whether we're at home or on the road.
Happy Trails,
Chickadee (of Jolly Roger and Chickadee)

I am very much a loner - often, I would much rather do things by myself than have to coordinate with someone else. Maybe that just makes me selfish. :) I go on trips by myself. I have drive 4 hours to a gathering by myself. I am planning to drive to Columbus in June for the Great Lakes gathering by myself, and that is a seven hour drive. I will be staying overnight for 2 nights. I am also flying to California by myself in a few weeks as I did last year.

I'm not sure how to convince your husband that you will be fine by yourself. Is he worried about you getting into a car accident, or is he worried that you will be attacked? Because either of these things can happen just as easily in your hometown as they could anywhere else. The only difference is that you may not know who to call locally when you are away from home.

TG

Re: what Chickadee said. Set up a check in schedule and just stay in touch. If he won't go with you then he needs to trust you to be smart.

geckospot

I travel alone with my kids a lot. The farthest we've travelled for a LB gather was 2.5 hours and we stayed overnight in a motel. Next week, we are going to one just as far away (in another direction) and I'm trying to convince him to let us camp (economic reasons, mostly). He's not to sure about that...... but I'm wearing him down ;-))

I also take my kids, by myself, to visit my mom a couple of times a year, and that's a 6 hour drive away - the worst part is the drive, boring territory (well, it's boring after making the trek for 23 years!) and NO LETTERBOXES on the way - ugh.

He was a bit nervous when we went to our first gather (which was local) and kept asking me "but have you ever MET any of these people?", my response being "well, not technically in person, but I know them well over the internet and what does meeting people have to do with anything, look at the labor crew down where you work!!" (he works for a state research facility, and they have inmate labor to help the farm crew... ;-)). He just had me call in on my cell phone regularly. He's since met a number of letterboxers and has come to realize that, as a group, we are pretty tame people (well, some of us are tame........ ;-)).

I agree with Chickadee - take a cell phone, set up a check in schedule, show him some pics of gathers from the photo albums here - they look like family reunions. Hey, they look BETTER than any of mine or my husband's family reunions - lol!!

Mama Fox

Maybe it's not your personal safety that really worries him as much as the thought of losing you to a hobby that he doesn't share? I mean, maybe he's most concerned about your relationship. Most men I know won't admit this so they come up with some other excuse....like how supposedly a grown woman will be in danger cavorting with a bunch of ink covered hobbists.

I am not trying to belittle his feelings..in fact I would be quite sympathetic if this were the case. I think an honest discussion is in order. "Honey, what's REALLY bothering you about me going?" He may just need some reassurance that your relationship will remain as close as ever.

On the extreme end, any man who says he doesn't ALLOW his wife to attend a public event with a group of people is edging on 'control freak.'

LW PhD
"Nice Counts"

I just traveled for the second time with my 12 year to a gathering where we knew no one. We have had to "motel it" for both gatherings. We made a road trip out of the last gathering and were away from home for 4 1/2 days.

I think he is more concerned for your safety. Maybe your husband would just be a little more at ease if you had another person to go with you. Are you taking the boys with you? If he knew the gathering was at a very public place he might feel better. Maybe if you sat down with your husband and he helped map out your route and where you should stay he might losen up to the idea. It would at least open up the discussion.

My husband is so NOT into letterboxing either. But he knows I am totally independent. He knows I can handle any crisis or emergency that arises. So he kisses us good-bye and we call him nightly to know we are ok.

Gatherings are so much fun. Sometimes you just gotta travel to get to them.
Outdoor Girls

I should probably mention here that I haven't actually had the discussion with him about doing this yet. I'm just trying to cover my bases going into it, and I am making the assumption that he will be a bit uncomfortable with it. He could surprise me! :) I don't want to lay a huge guilt trip on him or have him resent me or LBing in general.

Lock Wench, you bring up good points about the reason behind the "reason," and I'll keep that in mind. And he certainly isn't on the control freak side of things, either!

Thanks
-AG

Quote

So c'mon, all you husbands and boyfriends. What would you say if your wife/girlfriend wanted to do something like this? And to be fair you should envision it as something you really have no interest in, not letterboxing.

now as a husband, and i have no interest in what my wife might be interested in??a hobby or something like that??
let her go. gets her away and leaves me alone... LOL....
besides, if you dont let her go, she might make it more miserable around the house for not letting her go.
and if the time and distance is the same, then what the hey......besides, he does know about your letterboxing and know what goes on with letterboxing and gathers. does he not???
i say..." have a nice trip dear, and dont forget to call when you get there and when you start back home... love you..bye." then help her to the car with her bags....
hope this helps. dragonrider

Traveling alone is a normal thing for me to do. I started out traveling alone in college. My parents lived a 5 hour drive away and often I would make the drive home on holidays or weekends and many times I would have to do it alone. Although I always tried to find someone to share the drive and gas money with, sometimes you just had to do it alone and this was before cell phones! That led to driving alone to Florida from N. Carolina (once during college years and once later on), we are talking 12-16 hours straight out driving. When I lived in Atlanta, GA, it was a 3-4 hour drive to get back to my family in N. Carolina and I did that quite often and many times alone. Again all in the age of no cell phones and I didn't even have AAA! And when I moved out to Seattle in the early 90's I drove across country from N. Carolina to Seattle alone. Not on purpose. Several people had promised to come with me, but when the schedule was set and it came time to go...no one could get the time off to do the drive. Books on tape are a wonderful way to pass the time alone in the car!!

Now a days when you can be in touch at the touch of a button, I don't see any reason to be worried about driving any distance. Invest in a AAA membership (it can be worth it's weight in gold if you have a breakdown) get a good book on tape or CD (I recommend Second Glance by Jodi Picoult) and hit the open road!

-amanda from seattle

Wouldn't be a problem for me.....hasn't been a problem for me in years past with regard to other types of traveling.

We do not live in a cloud of fear...(not saying that you do necessarily)...can not live life worrying about these things......doesn't really seem like life at that point....

hehehe... does your husband KNOW mine? You just described mine to a tee... the only difference is, everywhere in Maine is a 4 hour drive to get anywhere. And I drive it all the time. I've done more solo driving than he has... (Drove from RI to Vegas by myself in 7 days the day after I graduated from college) so he doesn't worry. I worry more about him when he's gone over night!

Good luck with your hard sell!
mff

Art Gekko, you have been boxing for really such a short while so there is hope. My husband was really disinterested in letterboxing for about the first year. Last summer we hosted an event at our home, with wonderful boxers camping in our yard. we had a wonderful time. he got to see how wonderful LBers are. He didn't sit on on the carving lessons Wood Aug and Kurious Jo so kindly led. Hubby (Telephone Man) just had fun talking and making sure everyone had enough food and fresh crab!! That made it all enjoyable. Then since last August he didn't participate in much boxing, but...when he did he was actually the one trying to get the box before the kids. Hmm, I still didn't push.

Then we attended our first big gathering in San Diego just this past weekend! Prior to the event I made him his own logbook with William Wilberforce's photo and related documents. Hmm. Well, at the event he watched for the most part. But....tonight he has been on the computer for hours finding clues, saving maps and all for our drive home to Canada.
so there is still hope. In his time if he finds his 'niche'. So be patient and we hope he will come around. hmmm, you could even plant a box or two close by (or even a bit of a jog), in honor of him and something he does.

I agreed with the post that perhaps he is feeling threatened (I know my hubby has thought in the past, I gave more focus on boxing then him..and it was true, so I used wisdom and cooled it for periods). Now I am happy cause he is diligently trying to search out boxes we can find!

There is hope!
blessings
Pilgrims in This Land