He awoke in a days. Daze. "Damn!" he thought, "If only I had cast a 'Spell of Check', that sort of thing would stop happening. Alas, my skills are best used for other more fruitful purposes, and I shall leave such common trifles to the Fox-of-Fire, or the 7th Explorer."

Thus, the day started for Questor Tortuga, Master of Webs and Leader of Legumes. But no ordinary day was this. No, on this particular day, he woke not where he had fallen asleep, but in an entirely different Realm, an entirely different Worldspace, and an entirely different Timezone. "Ah, I see I have been transported by the Goddess A'man'Da and her Frequent-Flyer-Miles-of-Death, to a land far from my home. This can mean only one thing... A Gathering!"

He stood, stretching his arms, legs, and most importantly, his magical fingers. He gazed at the prodigious digits, lost momentarily in contemplation of their unique and powerful mystery. Few mortals could keep up with their impressive onslaught when used in conjunction with the Tablet of Typing. Even his arch-nemesis, The Evil Quinn, seemed doomed to fall behind in the Tournament of Pulses when Tortuga was truly on his game.

"Enough scene-setting!" said Tortuga to the empty room he had found himself in. The room did not reply. He heaved a sigh of relief at that, for if there was one thing Tortuga could not stand, it was an inferior Chatting Room. "Well, if A'man'Da has deemed it necessary for me to attend this Gathering, then to the Gathering I shall go..."

Thus, Questor Tortuga spied the solitary Door. He could only assume it was a Secure Portal, which would no doubt cause him endless grief until he got the Certificates right, and might, just might, require him to create a Non-secure entryway for Untested Mobile Devices. But forward he must go, somehow, seeking the ordained Gathering, where throngs of Users, both neophyte and adept, would undoubtedly assail him with Implementation Suggestions, Niggling Quirks, and Baneful Cooties. Undaunted, he through-hiked the entire room in less than an hour, stopping only once or twice to stash plastic containers into conveniently placed hidey-holes "for safe-keeping". Finally, he approached the Door cautiously, carefully, armed only with his wit, charm, and a handful of small pencils...

-wassamatta_u (hoping to get those 250xp)

I believe that may deserve a little more than XP points, but not quite sure what....

Okay, now that I've stopped laughing, I can state that I, for one,
would love to see this character as part of the ring:D

JMHO

star writer says "no poo fair!"

I also want to know, what happened to our fearless leader next?

we ned a new installment, wassa... where is he? how many cooties will he get? how will he get home? what sort of trouble will you invent for our intrepid hero?

night writer

Oh...Please, please, PLEASE....

carve SOMETHING....an ameoba, anything....

and join this ring....


LMAO!

JPMcD

As wassamatta sits proudly watching the screen, enjoying the realm he has just created for his new character, he hears a hearty chuckle. "Nice work, there! VERY realistic detail! I'd almost feel sorry for the guy having to run into a place like that. I mean, you've armed the poor guy like a bard...a BAD bard, no less!"

He whirls around to find a rather charming half-elf intently fingering the struts on a lute. "Uh, who...?"

"A big fan," smiles the elf, looking up briefly. Mischief fairly GLOWS in his eyes. "I love your briefs...in a strictly platonic sense, of course. Unless you happen to have a pair of WOMEN'S briefs about? No? Well, never hurts to ask." Before wassa can ask why a being from recently imaginary world might be sitting in mid-air talking to him, the elf continues. "So, I was JUST noticing you have a bit of free time on your hands and that you seem to have a wonderful ability to weave a witty, yet charming tale. You do realize that's practically the prerequisite for a bard in a dungeon these days...a little banter, a little lute, a lot scared?" He strummed a dramatic note and wassa watched the world around him fade into dreary blocks of stone.

The merry half elf himself began to glow a bit and wassa realized he was no longer in the presence of a mere mortal (as if the floating in mid-air and appearing out of no where wasn't ENOUGH of a tip off!). He heard a scraping behind him and turned to find a large ornate wooden door that wasn't thick enough to conceal the sound of creatures beyond it.

Wassa found himself...concerned.

Concerned in a cold sweat...

"Care to join the fun?" winked Olidammara, the Laughing Rogue. "'Cause there's always room for one more?"

OOC (which means Out Of Character for you newer folks!): So, Wassa, the gauntlet has been thrown down. You in our out? We'll even let you come in as YOU and let our favorite god set you up with a few weapons to keep you from eating your own butt! No need to carve a monster (or even a character stamp, since this is just YOU!). Heck, we'll even throw you the 250 XP! Whadaya say???

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So, Wassa, the gauntlet has been thrown down. You in our out?

Wow...
Hey, look! There's a gauntlet on the floor here! Cool! I bet it's a +3 Gauntlet of Stupidly Accepting Challenges! I think I'll pick it up...

OOCBRICBMCITSOOCAIC (which means Out Of Character But Really In Character Because My Character Is The Same Out Of Character As In Character for you newer folks): Ok, I really do NOT know what I am doing... I played D&D once about 25 years ago, and the only thing I can remember doing is casting a Magic Web across a giant's mouth, then casting some sort of Super-Stinky Smell, and making him choke on his own... well, never mind... it's been a long time.

So... what do I do? I would be happy to carve a Character stamp and a Monster stamp (can I make up my own monster, or does it have to be an "official Monster (tm)"?) I honestly do not want to screw up your game, but will happily be relegated to whatever role or position you feel relatively comforable relegating me to. Relegatorily speaking.

Sign me up!

-wassamatta_u, The Blathering Bard

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So... what do I do? I would be happy to carve a Character stamp and a Monster stamp (can I make up my own monster, or does it have to be an "official Monster (tm)"?) I honestly do not want to screw up your game, but will happily be relegated to whatever role or position you feel relatively comforable relegating me to. Relegatorily speaking.

Oh, i SO vote for him to be allowed to make up his own monster! :D Could be the pie monster of doom! :D

CQ

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Wow...
Hey, look! There's a gauntlet on the floor here! Cool! I bet it's a +3 Gauntlet of Stupidly Accepting Challenges! I think I'll pick it up...

OOCBRICBMCITSOOCAIC (which means Out Of Character But Really In Character Because My Character Is The Same Out Of Character As In Character for you newer folks): Ok, I really do NOT know what I am doing... I played D&D once about 25 years ago, and the only thing I can remember doing is casting a Magic Web across a giant's mouth, then casting some sort of Super-Stinky Smell, and making him choke on his own... well, never mind... it's been a long time.

So... what do I do? I would be happy to carve a Character stamp and a Monster stamp (can I make up my own monster, or does it have to be an "official Monster (tm)"?) I honestly do not want to screw up your game, but will happily be relegated to whatever role or position you feel relatively comforable relegating me to. Relegatorily speaking.

Sign me up!

Oh, you're SO already in! LOL I added your name to the list after I posted (after all, even the comedic gods will NOT be denied!) ;-) I'll go back and get you and tuathaan caught up in e-mails regarding all this stuff in a bit.

And as far as characters and monsters, nothing you or anyone else can do will screw this game up...it's all basically solo play in a group (like, uh...church!)! You do as much as you feel you can handle before the January 31 deadline. Your character stamp could ACTUALLY be your signature stamp, since it IS you. The monster can be anything that's a level 4 or below. If you don't have a book to find one in, our resident yagotta CQ has a ton of stuff on pdf to peruse.

All we care about is having you in the game. After all, the REAL you fighting monsters is going to be TWICE as much of a riot as any of the characters we've got! And don't worry about dying too much. The Laughing Rogue loves a good joke, but you're not much fun if you're dead.

MAIMED is okay, but dead...no so much...!

The S & H

Sorry, I'm a little behind with this, but I thouroughly enjoyed it. Another wonderful intro!

By the way, are you going to make a NEW intro for the character that is you now? ;-)

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By the way, are you going to make a NEW intro for the character that is you now? ;-)

Oh Sprite, you foul temptress! Unless that was Highlander, in which case cancel the "temptress" part, insert "provocateur", and leave "foul" as an excercise for the reader.

You had said I would be a "bard"... just to make sure, I looked that word up. Turns out, a "bard" is "a thin slice of fat or bacon secured to a roast of meat or poultry to prevent its drying out while cooking." ( http://www.recipezaar.com/library/getentry.zsp?id=791 ) I am hoping that this is NOT the definition you had planned for me. Though, in all likelihood, this is exactly what I will end up being to most of the Monsters in the Dungeon.

Ok, as it is becoming painfully obvious that I do NOT know what I am doing, I will be happy to provide a new Intro for "wassamatta_u, The Blathering Bard", once you have told me my strengths, capabilities, weapons, and secret tickly spots.

-wassamatta_u, The Aforementioned Blathering Bacon... errrr... Bard

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Oh Sprite, you foul temptress! Unless that was Highlander, in which case cancel the "temptress" part, insert "provocateur", and leave "foul" as an excercise for the reader.

Yeah, that's what they call me...they call me other stuff at school behind my back, but I'm not allowed to cuss on these boards! ;-) The Highlander is a pretty foul temptress, too...have you SEEN this man in a skirt, let alone a full length sequined ball gown? And what he does to panty hose...well, let's just say he's no Joe Namath!

[quote[\]You had said I would be a "bard"... just to make sure, I looked that word up. Turns out, a "bard" is "a thin slice of fat or bacon secured to a roast of meat or poultry to prevent its drying out while cooking." ( http://www.recipezaar.com/library/getentry.zsp?id=791 ) I am hoping that this is NOT the definition you had planned for me. Though, in all likelihood, this is exactly what I will end up being to most of the Monsters in the Dungeon.

Okay, in all fairness, it's a verb in that definition, so really you would be BARDING, not A BARD. And, yeah, you'll be doing EXACTLY that once a level 4 beastie sinks its teeth into your butt. How are you at screaming and running like a schoolgirl in terror? You might want to practice a bit...get the "ahhhh!" part right.

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Ok, as it is becoming painfully obvious that I do NOT know what I am doing, I will be happy to provide a new Intro for "wassamatta_u, The Blathering Bard", once you have told me my strengths, capabilities, weapons, and secret tickly spots.

Oh, we're having fun just THINKING of stuff for you!!! Since you're a real person, this is less like creating a character and more like being Q Department for a medieval James Bond! LOL We're already got your indestructible lute "El Ka-bong" (does anyone ELSE hear that actual sound of a guitar string sproinging loose in their head when you read that word, or are we the only gamers only enough to remember Quick Draw McGraw?) and an ancient magical sword called Sayvmahass that screams like Ned Flanders every 3 rounds (creatures gotta make a will save to keep from doing the same). The rest is up to you, really. We'll post a bit with Olidammara giving some stuff to keep you from "dying too quickly", but not just yet...still have a stack of workbooks to finish grading and some report cards to fill in (you'd think the electronic version would be FASTER, but NOOOO!)

The S & H

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Oh Sprite, you foul temptress! Unless that was Highlander, in which case cancel the "temptress" part, insert "provocateur", and leave "foul" as an excercise for the reader.

Okay, I'm just gonna come right out and admit that I had to look up the word "provocateur" (maybe 'cause I'm a GOOD girl, I am!), but NOW I'm not sure which is worse: trying to picture the Highlander diddlin' them chickens in some of this stuff (okay, so that's FOWL, not foul) or thinking that wassamatta_u had this in mind when he posted!!! http://www.agentprovocateur.com/

It's like the Victoria's Secret of the UK! :-O

The (shocked and STUNNED, yet cannot look away) Sprite & the (drooling enough to short out the monitor) Highlander

One hilarious side note! The Highlander and I were looking at the AP site together on separate computers (I'm on my laptop and he's on the stand alone) and just laughing at all the stuff they have...I mean, there's a whole section called "Whips and Paddles"! I was looking for normal items and finally found something less naughty. "Well, they have plenty of hose," I said to him, while checking out the fishnets.

"Yeah they do," he says, not taking his eyes from the screen. "They're all THROUGH this site!"

It was a second before I realized he thought I said HOES (NOT the garden tool!) ROFL

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thinking that wassamatta_u had this in mind when he posted!!!

Oh, dear! No, no, no....

http://dictionary.reference.com/browse/provocateur

It was supposed to be all innocent and sweet and genteel and that sort of crap. I myself am shocked, shocked I tell you, by the link you provided. I am so shocked, in fact, that I feel I must go back and visit that site again, just to make SURE it is as vile and lurid as you suggest.

Does anyone know how to set the browser's "Homepage"?

-wassamatta_u

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It was supposed to be all innocent and sweet and genteel and that sort of crap. I myself am shocked, shocked I tell you, by the link you provided. I am so shocked, in fact, that I feel I must go back and visit that site again, just to make SURE it is as vile and lurid as you suggest.

Does anyone know how to set the browser's "Homepage"?

(rolling her eyes) Yes, of course, how silly of me! The Highlander was just as indignant as you and suggests that bookmarking the site to make sure he doesn't accidentally stumble on such horrors again is probably best.

Seriously, who pays that much money for something you can make outta the straps of your PURSE??? ROFL