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sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Dec 20, 2006 6:26pm
Thread (disabled) Board
Man, I really need to get some stuff off my chest, with someone on the receiving end who can relate and understand. I'm sure there are divorcees here who have to share their kids with the ex-family for the holidays. Boy, does it stank or what?! Especially if the ex-family is a few hours away. And especially if they make the kid feel guilty for not wanting to be with them as long as they want the kid to be with them. And especially if the kid wants to be both places at once. But not as bad as it used to be when the kid wasn't old enough to know where they wanted to be and for how long. It's not getting quite what I'd call "ugly," but it could if I opened my mouth.

This prolly doesn't make sense, and I'm not expecting many replies or a long conversation, but I'd welcome either one if it was offered.

BUMMER!!!!!!! gggggggggggggrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr!!!!!!!!!!! dang it dang it!!! divorce is sometimes a good thing but dang it.........aaaaaaaaaahhhhhhhh! why do kids have to be put in the middle.

Thanks for listening, and feel free to respond or ignore, whatever tickles your fancy.

Bahooey!!!!!!!!

Becky
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58042 by Nurse Wanderseek
Dec 20, 2006 6:48pm
Thread (disabled) Board
nodding to myself.....

yup, yup, yup, completely understand, how about the fact that I am "supposed" to keep HIS family (who I don't especially like) informed about concerts, recitals, etc.....um, NOT my family SO not my job!

My ex enjoys his son more than his daughter and it shows every Christmas, last year she told him "I don't like any of these presents" heehee. Of course I got blamed for that too.

I would love him to move far far away, maybe Alaska so at least I would have an excuse why he doesn't call and only shows up once or twicw a month AND then I have to share them on holidays.....A judge told me he could GRANT visitation but could not ENFORCE it, which means I cannot do anything about him not showing up, BUT if I am not there on his weekend (when he feels like taking it) he can bring me back to court for contempt of a court order.

So many things wrong with the whole concept, I just nod and smile and try my best to not tell him what I think of him for real for the sake of the kids. I have a friend who tells me: everyday i go to bed and thank God for the things I have, and prayer for him to fix the things I messed up. She raised 5 on her own AHHHH I can't believe I'm doing it with two. So YES I completely understand! Catherine
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58047 by CathCainGwen
Dec 20, 2006 7:45pm
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote A judge told me


This is part of the reason why my husband and I never officially divorced. We didn't want to be told by outsiders who was supposed to have the kid and when they were supposed to have her. We work it out among ourselves. She has lived with me for most of the time. If she didn't want to go with her dad, she didn't have to. If he couldn't take her for whatever reason, that was OK, too. Nothing set in stone. We all get along very well, thank goodness. As a matter of fact, he and I just went out together Christmas shopping for her. I had already bought the main gift and then we went out together so that he could buy the appropriate accessories. I'm glad it's worked out for us.

FG
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58042 by Nurse Wanderseek
Dec 21, 2006 6:10am
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote Especially if the ex-family is a few hours away. And especially if they make the kid feel guilty for not wanting to be with them as long as they want the kid to be with them. And especially if the kid wants to be both places at once.


While I don't have kids and have not been a "divorced kid" I can completely sympathize. My parents live 3 hours away, my boyfriend's family lives here in town. Every Christmas is spent figuring out where we'll go and when b/c we lived in a terrible apartment and could not invite our families there.

No one is ever satisfied with when we can and can't show up. They make accommodations for every other relative to be there at certain times and we're just expected to fall into line (case in point, Christmas with his family just got changed again for his sister!). I just got a guilt trip from my mom this morning via email even, about how she has to wait until Sunday to see me. We met last night halfway in between where we live so that we could have dinner and trade vehicles (they're taking mine to the dealership tomorrow to get fixed, again) and she went off about how my man's sister doesn't show up for holidays.... kept repeating it over and over. Then my man and I got in a fight about it while finishing our Christmas shopping. It was supposed to be a fun night for us, we left work early, took this road trip, gonna finish shopping and have a good time and we ended up riding back in silence after yelling at each other about how our families hurt us and the other and how we're not doing this next year. Everyone can accommodate us for once. No guilt trips about leaving at a decent time so that we can get home and to bed for work the next day, none of that. We almost decided to just split up for Christmas and go to our respective families, but we don't want to be apart either. Sick of it!!!! I'm sick of seeing his family hurt him constantly and I'm sick of my family trying to "bribe him to marry me" (mom's exact words) and I'm done. After this one, I'm not doing it anymore b/c it's breaking my heart.

I have not had a "normal" Christmas since I was 17. Every Christmas I'm on the road, no one's happy, sometimes it's been dangerous with the weather.... I'm just done, this isn't what Christmas is about and I'm sick of no one being happy, including myself. No one can be thankful for anything it seems. So next year, I'm taking control and I'm doing what I want, if family doesn't like it, they don't have to show up. Chances are good that some of them (the ones that live in town) won't show up anyways, so it'll be peaceful for once.

moonduck (who is seriously not in the Christmas spirit again, doesn't care and can't wait for it to be over)
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58110 by Moonduck
Dec 21, 2006 6:21am
Thread (disabled) Board
Moonduck:

I have BTDT - now I do exactly what I want, and everyone else can deal, or not deal, as they choose.

BUT - I know that's easier said than done......... however, for the last two years I have taught a class at church about "Reclaiming Christmas". Partially it's about simplying Christmas (economically) and having the Christmas you want (emotionally). Email me off list, via AQ, and I'll send you some of the names of books I've used, and some materials, or links to same.

It can be done, but it's about being very intentional, telling others in advance (sometimes WAY in advance ;-)), doing it in stages, etc. Our classes have had wonderful discussions and stories - from younger people who, like you, are pulled between two (or more!) families, to young parents, who are wanting to start new traditions for their kids, to senior citizens, who's families expect them to "do Christmas" for them - and they are tired of it!

Until then - have a Happy Christmas!!!

Mama Fox
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58110 by Moonduck
Dec 21, 2006 6:26am
Thread (disabled) Board
Moonduck, I totally sympathize with you. I also despise this time of year just for that reason. Where to go, who to see....When we were dating and engaged my husband and I did just that...split and went to our own families for holidays. We knew it was going to be an issue soon enough, so we did it that way right up till we got married. I know you dont want to do that, but if it offers a little peace it may be worth it.

If they cant pick a time to do Christmas and stick with it, its not fair to expect everyone else to constantly change things around.

Didnt you just move? So now next year you say Christmas is at MY house and if you want to come then do. If not, sorry, we will see you sometime soon. Thats why I love not living in the same town as either my family or his family.

When you have kids it will all change around again. Everyone will want them at their house. We made the decision (as many do) that we are at OUR house for Christmas morning. Santa needs to come here. There is no way I am shlepping stuff to someones house only to bring it all home again. If we go its a day or two after. Or in the case this year, not till Mid Jan, due to committments.

Good luck...from someone who hates the entire month of December for many many reasons.
vicki
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58110 by Moonduck
Dec 21, 2006 6:27am
Thread (disabled) Board
I totally agree with you. I haven't had a "normal family christmas" since, oh wait normal? My parents played ping pong with me for all my childhood. So most of my christmases were spent in the car. Unfortunatly the same thing is happening for my son. So this year, I have a 3 hr drive (to and from) to pick up my son on christmas day. To solve the problem of visiting everyone, We're only visiting a select few close to home. And probably not till nighttime. Instead, when we got to get my son we're going to letterbox on the way there and on the way back. And if the fam don't like it, too bad. For once we're going to enjoy christmas. And yes, I too, am waiting for it all to be over.
-the happy gemini
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58114 by Crazyolis
Dec 21, 2006 6:44am
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote We made the decision (as many do) that we are at OUR house for Christmas morning. Santa needs to come here. There is no way I am shlepping stuff to someones house only to bring it all home again.


AMEN, sister! :-)

I tell our family Santa only knows one address for our children, so we better be there! It took a couple of years for the feathers to settle, but now, no one bats an eye.
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58116 by Jenni P McD
Dec 21, 2006 7:28am
Thread (disabled) Board
Thanks for the posts and the email too....

Quote It can be done, but it's about being very intentional, telling others in advance (sometimes WAY in advance ;-)), doing it in stages, etc.


We decided we're going to mention it at each place this Christmas and then make it really "official" about August of next year. Since his sister won't return his phone calls, that should be enough time for his mother to tell her and she can make her plans accordingly. I can't even remember what his sister looks like, how bad is that?

Quote When we were dating and engaged my husband and I did just that...split and went to our own families for holidays. We knew it was going to be an issue soon enough, so we did it that way right up till we got married. I know you dont want to do that, but if it offers a little peace it may be worth it.


We did this for a few years (we've been together 6 now) but I absolutely hated the thought of my man waking up alone on Christmas and sitting around waiting to go places. Christmas is hard for him since his dad died a few years back. They would all flip out if we seperated at this point, I wish we'd never stopped seperating sometimes, b/c it would just be easier. Depending on his sister getting here in a timely manner, we may still have to seperate, which will devastate my parents as they've gone all out in shopping for my man this year and really enjoy him being around.

Quote Didnt you just move? So now next year you say Christmas is at MY house and if you want to come then do. If not, sorry, we will see you sometime soon


Yes, and our house is still a mess and not even decorated AND we didn't want to upset anyone by changing plans and saying that this year. Not to mention, we have a 1 ft fake tree lol and a nativity scene out, that's it.

I'm just really to the point where I don't care. I feel like a machine. I feel like crying constantly. I got an email from my mom this morning even... it was nice to see you last night, I'm just sad I have to wait until Sunday to see you again--how am I supposed to respond to that, especially since I'd like to tell her how much she bothered him last night with her endless comments about his sister? Now I'm thinking that if we go to midnight mass with my very best friend on Sunday night, they'll get upset about that (they kind of did last year-my man and friend are Catholic and I'm not, but I don't mind going to mass) b/c it's less time spent with them.... jeez, they go to bed at like 10, how am I not spending time with them by going to mass at midnight???

I would think that b/c it's family they would understand the stress I've gone through lately with the house and moving and money being tight as a result too.... no one seems to care, it's like they think that b/c we sleep in the house it's all okay and the stress is done. I have not spent more than 3 waking hours straight in my house this week and will not until tomorrow night. The 3 hours I spent there were spent getting ready for Christmas. Tomorrow night will be spent wrapping more presents still and then folding laundry. Not unpacking. I can't find anything still!

I'm sorry for the rant, I'm just at my wits end. I really can't wait for this Christmas to be over and I hate that feeling. It overwhelms the true meaning of Christmas and I have to rely on songs on the radio to remind me.

moonduck
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58122 by Moonduck
Dec 21, 2006 7:55am
Thread (disabled) Board
First off, you're under a lot of stress that has nothing to do with the holidays. Add the holidays to that, and it's no wonder you feel you're headed for a meltdown.

First off, take a deep breath, and keep thinking: this too, shall pass.

Second, cut corners. Use gift bags, or whatever. Don't worry about wrapping. They'll get over it.

Third: do what you have to, then cut and run. You'll be glad you did. It'll be hard while you're there, making excuses, but when you're at midnight mass, and it's so peaceful, you'll be happier for it.

Fourth: remember what's REALLY important this season, even if no one else in your family seems to. Eleanor Roosevelt is quoted as saying, "No one can make you feel inferior without your consent." That applies to this case as well. I do understand how difficult it is when it's family, but sometimes, for the sake of your own sanity and the well being of your immediate relationship, you just have to let the other stuff go and say it's THEIR problem, not yours. I know, easier said than done, but you'll be glad you put up with 10 minutes of ranting from someone's mother than hours of excrutiating torture becuase you didn't speak up.

Just my opinion, based on my personal experience with a mother and mother in law who think they're the center of the universe. :-)
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58126 by Jenni P McD
Dec 21, 2006 9:09am
Thread (disabled) Board
Our holidays are ususally a mess......
my parents are divorced so there's 2 houses we have to go to, then there are my in-laws and their whole side of the family (a very close family which is great but........)then our 5 boys. Two are mine with my ex (which generally goes smoothly I do have to say) two are my husband's with his ex (which NEVER goes smoothly, always involving cops, court, lawyers etc....) and our son together who is medically complex, which leaves us with some scheduling issues. We are in the process of adopting him through DCF so factor them in as they have a part in just about everything we do until the adoption is final.Oh, and my husband usually works 1st shift as a CO in prison, but almost always is forced to stay at work on Christmas through 2nd shift to cover for the guys who called out sick. So on Christmas day he is usually gone from 5:30 am until 9:00 pm.
We just bought our first house together this year in July and I have said this Christmas that they can all come to us if they wanted. If not....well we don't have a schedule as to where we are going to be and when, so I am just taking the day as it comes.We will make our rounds when we get there. My hubby is actually off this Christmas (YIPPPPEEEEE) so we will be able to spend Christmas morning together for the first time since we've been together.
We did the same thing with Thanksgiving and had anyone from any of the families come to our house and it worked out so much better. Instead of us having to shuffle all of the kids around we had everything here.
I am somewhat relaxed over this Christmas and let me tell ya it is a huge relief to feel that way!

Happy Holidays

Amy of LUNA crew
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58135 by LUNA crew
Dec 21, 2006 9:28am
Thread (disabled) Board
I guess I'm pretty lucky in this regard. My wife and I, separated for a year now, were friends for many years before we got married. Therefore, we are totally ingrained in each others lives. We make it a point to keep the "family" together on holidays. Thanksgiving was spent at my sister-in-laws (her sister) as usual, Christmas Eve will be at my sisters (one of my wife's best friends) as usual, and Christmas Morning will be at my wife's house and Christmas Day at my mom's. I have the kids for New Years Eve, so I don't know what will happen, but it will be fine, as long as I'm with them... :)

We decided that just because our marriage failed doesn't mean that we want our children to think that our family failed.

It may be bizarre, but so far, it works (most of the time)
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58042 by Nurse Wanderseek
Dec 22, 2006 8:18am
Thread (disabled) Board
Sometimes I am so thankful that my ex-husband has no interest in seeing his kids. He lives less than 30 minutes away, but has not called in 2 years. I don't have to deal with the disruption in my kids' lives. Since we divorced when my oldest was 2 and the youngest wasn't even born yet, they really don't know the ex that well.
I realized when I was in a divorce care group not to talk bad about the ex in front of the kids. I made every possible acommodation (within reason) for him when he did want to see the kids. And I don't make excuses for him when he doesn't. The kids ask occasionally about when they will see him and I tell them that I don't know, he will let us know when he wants to. The kids keep in touch with their paternal grandparents and visit them at least once a year (they live a thousand miles away).
I hold to the belief that when they grow up they will see their father for who he really is. Not who I made him out to be, by what I said or did. Then they can decide if they want to contact him and have a relationship.

That's all I have to say about that.
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58110 by Moonduck
Dec 22, 2006 9:36am
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote Every Christmas is spent figuring out where we'll go and when


I've been through a simular experience. My suggestion,and you can take it or leave it, is to tell everyone involved when YOU will be able to come and let then accomodate you. As you've said you can't make them happy anyway so at least make your self and your man happy.

Shiloh
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58114 by Crazyolis
Dec 22, 2006 10:21am
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote When you have kids it will all change around again. Everyone will want them at their house. We made the decision (as many do) that we are at OUR house for Christmas morning.


That is really important! When you have kids, especially if they're the first grandkids, and everyone wants them, and everyone includes several sets of grandparents (due to divorce and remarriages),
the only way to do it is to declare that you are keeping them home on Christmas. Little kids do not enjoy being dragged around all over the place Christmas Day. They want to stay home and play with their new toys.

Everyone will be really mad at you, but if you're not going to anybody's house, then they're all equally mad, and not jealous of who's going where when. Don't argue, don't explain, don't get defensive, just calmly stand your ground, and they will get used to it sooner than you expect.

You're a grownup, and you don't have to spend your holidays trying to please a bunch of people you just happen to share some DNA with, if it's going to be unpleasant and stressful for you.

Mariette
Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58042 by Nurse Wanderseek
Dec 31, 2006 3:16pm
Thread (disabled) Board
Dear Becky,

Had it not been for wassamatta u's weekly blog, I would have missed your post.

I am a divorced mother of three.

((( BIG HUGE HUG )))

I can totally relate to how you are feeling. My particular situation is a little different (actually *quite* different, so much so that my friends think I am NUTS), but I want to let you know that you are not alone.

When I divorced my husband, my first thought was to the children. Fortunately, he felt the same way. We have come to an amicable agreement. First of all, my children were all born in the house in which my ex and I lived when we were married. I am originally from RI, and I wanted to go back to RI. The "family hearth and home" is in MA, which is where my ex is from.

I didn't have the heart to take my children out of the only home they have ever known, away from their own neighborhood, friends, and schools and take them with me to RI. So I bought my home in RI, but I have custody of my children Sunday through Wednesday - in their own home in MA. My ex has custody of my children Thursday through Saturday - in their own home in MA.

Yep - my ex and I are roommates in his and the children's house for a part of the week. My room is the guest bedroom. I travel back and forth from his house to my house each week to accommodate this custody agreement.

And we still spend each child's birthday celebration and every holiday celebration all together at his/their home in MA, or with *his* extended family (sisters, brothers in law, cousins). My parents and grandparents passed on long ago, so I don't have a "my" side of the family.

I can't tell you how often I live with a sore tongue or a chewed section of the inside of my cheek from the grrrrr moments that happen weekly, let alone during holiday time.

Honey - you just vent away. And if you ever need a private vent forum, send me an AQ mail.

Remember always that you are a *great* mom, and you are doing a *great* job, and something there are circumstances that you cannot control, so try really hard to focus your energy on the circumstances you *can* control.

And you are never EVER alone. EVER. Not as long as I draw breath.

Warrior Woman
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #58110 by Moonduck
Dec 31, 2006 6:28pm
Thread (disabled) Board
You know, my sister got me a small book for Christmas a couple of years ago that had a great idea in it. Cokie Roberts (yes, the journalist) talked about how Christmas was such a stressful time for her that she never really got to enjoy it. So what she did was to do all of the stuff you do for Christmas, and then decided that "her holiday" would be Candlemass, which occurs on February 2. (As with many holidays, even Christmas, the timing of the holiday was close to that of a pagan holiday, in this case the feast of Bride--pronounced "breed"--the Celtic goddess. Please don't flame me about the reference to Christmas; I do realize that it is a celebration of Christ's birth, I am just pointing out that WHEN we celebrate it is partially because it was the time of winter solstice celebrations.) In any case, she gets ready for that holiday, invites a few friends over (or not), and lights candles all over the house. Very little stress, she says, but you still get to enjoy the coming together with those for whom you care.

If you don't want to go to this extreme, you might consider having TWO Christmas celebrations. You know, open the presents and visit whomever you feel you need to, but then have a separate celebration just for your nuclear family on another day close to the holiday, possibly even Christmas Eve. That way you can have the warm, intimate family time, and then your children will realize that okay, sometimes what is supposed to be a celebration is really stressful, but it doesn't have to be.

Please note: I am NOT telling ANYONE how to run their lives here, or whether they should or should not spend Christmas or any other holiday with anyone else. Just offering a suggestion so that you can have a celebration that you can enjoy with all of the present-giving and other stuff taken out of the equation.

Pied Piper

P.S. I do feel your pain, and sympathize most wholeheartedly. Whatever anyone's decision, I wish you the best.
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #59951 by Pied Piper
Jan 2, 2007 11:18am
Thread (disabled) Board
Well, I know I was complaining before Christmas about how annoyed I was with everyone changing dates and all that jazz..... Surprise!!! I ended up having the absolute worst Christmas ever and NOT thanks to any of my family!

I woke up Christmas morning with a terrible stomach ache (at my parents house, 3 hours from home). Didn't think much of it, I'd eaten pretty late the night before. We opened presents, ate some breakfast.... then I got sick. And sicker. And sicker. I thought I was being pretty quiet about it, but my boyfriend came in the bathroom to see what was going on and my mom followed him... yeah, ended up at the hospital for an emergency appendectomy. Apparently I am a "very lucky lady" and they caught it just in time.

I didn't realize at the time how serious it was, I just laid there and cried and cried b/c I wanted to go home to my new house to have my Christmas with my man. I thought the look on my boyfriend's face was b/c he was upset that we weren't going home now, we were celebrating in the hospital, yay! Oh no, it was more serious than they were letting on to me apparently... probably b/c I couldn't stop crying. I'm laying there thinking about how I ruined Christmas and not everyone else and then the nurses start telling me about what they'd be doing if they were at home and hadn't been called in and gosh, no one was nice. Christmas totally sucked this year.

Luckily after much ado over nothing the next morning (they made me take a nap after giving me one lousy Vicodin) they let me go home. I had to stop every hour on the hour to walk around during my 4 hours in the car and I couldn't carry anything in the house and my man took awesome care of me. Then we had Christmas. It wasn't the same, but at least I'm more thankful now.

On the bright side (besides being alive and what looks like will be a cool scar), while I'm laying on the stretcher getting ready to go in for surgery, lamenting about ruined Christmases and how I want to go home.... my mom says, well, maybe next year we'll have Christmas at your house to make up for you not getting it this year. Yes!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

moonduck (who got a real crash course on the workings of our lower intestines for a Christmas present)
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 2, 2007 11:30am
Thread (disabled) Board
Hey Moonduck
So sorry to hear about your appendix....scary thing...My husband had it a few years ago, we had been spending the weekend at the lake about 4 hours from home. We flew home, didnt want to get stuck at a hospital there with no one to help out. Same thing, he was hours from bursting, emergency surgery at 3am sort of thing.

I am glad you are feeling better. At least you didnt have to deal with any relatives that you werent looking forward to seeing.

Get better soon, enjoy the time that you can just lay there and heal!
crazyoli
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 2, 2007 12:48pm
Thread (disabled) Board
They weren't kidding that you were lucky!

My brother had his appendix burst and then had to deal with peritonitis. Very scary and nearly fatal. That was decades ago and he still loves showwing off his scar :-)

You didn't ruin Christmas. Believe me, your family is very happy that it turned out the way it did and those nurses knew they were on call. They should've been a tad bit more considerate.

Speedy recovery and have a wonderful Christmas this year.
Take care, Orion
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 2, 2007 5:52pm
Thread (disabled) Board
Well, thank God you're alright, and it may have been a horrible Christmas, but look at how worried your boyfriend and mom were about you and how much they care about you and pulled together for you.

That certainly says something good..

I hope you feel better soon and I hope next Christmas is extra special for you

Jaxx
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 2, 2007 8:41pm
Thread (disabled) Board
moonduck! My goodness! I'm so glad you got medical treatment, surgery, and you're home with a guy to love you and care for you. Now, I know you will be heartbroken, but Dr. Eaglewatcher says absolutely no housework or heavy lifting! Are you amazed you saved this incident for Christmas? What if this had happened when you were trying to move to your new house? Glad you are home and on your way to recovery.
Eaglewatcher--who doesn't give a hoot about bedside manner as long as they show up and get the medical part right.
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 2, 2007 10:52pm
Thread (disabled) Board
I am so, so glad that everything turned out all right. How perfectly awful that you had to deal with insensitive nurses. As one of the other responders said, they knew perfectly well they were on call, and shouldn't have added to your distress by complaining. Personally, I would have been inclined to say, "You know, I'm not particularly happy to be here, either." (Of course, I never think of the perfect thing to say until long after the event...) Perfectly polite to say, but points out to these grinches that you weren't intentionally trying to ruin their holidays, and that it was probably a great deal easier to be in their shoes than in yours, so to speak (I'm assuming you were shoeless:-).

And listen. As others have said, you did NOT ruin Christmas. Think about it this way--the original event that Christmas is supposed to be celebrating involved two young people, one of whom was ready to give birth, and they couldn't find a place to stay. I'm guessing they were tired, you KNOW Mary was sore, and giving birth (from what I hear--I've not gone through it myself) is no picnic. You've just experienced some serious pain yourself, and I'm guessing that by the time all was said and done, all of you were tired, too. The one good thing in Mary's case is that presumably she wasn't kicked out of the stable the very next morning, which just goes to show you that sometimes we modern folk can be quite a bit more unkind--at least in the institutional insurance sense--than people were then. So rather than thinking that this year you ruined Christmas, you could consider Christmas 2006 as the year you went to extremes to commemorate the original.

In other words--you've a right to do a little grumbling, you don't owe anyone an apology, and I hope that should you ever need emergency medical care again, you'll be blessed with kinder staff. I'm glad that at the least you received a little TLC from Mom and boyfriend.

So unless you are a flagellant (who always remind me of the monks smacking themselves over the heads with boards in Monty Python and the Holy Grail--THUNK!), drop your guilt right now. You heard me! Drop it! RIGHT THERE!

Hope your New Year is happy, and that you resolve and succeed in tossing any and all inappropriate guilt in the waste bin.

Pied Piper
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 3, 2007 2:46pm
Thread (disabled) Board
Moonduck- ALL those nurses are thanking you this week as they get their per-diam pay + their holiday differential pay in their checks. Be well and know there is always next Christmas at your new home!
Six Stars
Stressful holidays WAS Re: sharing kids for the holidays
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #60233 by Moonduck
Jan 5, 2007 11:52am
Thread (disabled) Board
You DO have a cool scar....I got my appendix out when I was pretty young...it's miserable...but you know, I wouldn't trade that battle scar for anything...(well, I would, actually) it looks so pretty with a bikini ;) Now you just need a C-section scar to go with it and I think you'll be all set...but maybe you'll want to wait on that one for awhile....


sorry about your miserable week and glad everything turned out okay in the end~~

Fellow scarred one,
dewdrop