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Read Thread: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale

Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126428 by wassamatta u
Sep 8, 2007 2:53am
Thread (disabled) Board
Trekkie Gal (henceforth referred to as “TG”) has made the laudable decision to assign me the role of her Official Biographer of the Big Date. I therefore pledge to transcribe the Prelude To and Actual Events of her Big Evening to the AQ community, almost nearly exactly as she relates them to me. The following, then, is an accurate portrayal of the events precisely as they unfold, as far as you know.

Chapter 2:
The Day


TG woke up this morning dazed, a bit confused, and somewhat clumpy. After brushing off the remains of the kitty litter (and verifying that she was, indeed, odorless), she proceeded with her day. She did her best to try to make the day as “normal” as possible, not letting the anticipation and nervousness of the upcoming Big Date get the best of her: she got dressed, checked AQ, had some breakfast, checked AQ, brushed her teeth, checked AQ, polished her head, and finally checked AQ. After sending out a few quick emails (yes, TG, I did receive the cease-and-desist order from your lawyer), TG shuffled off to work.

Time ticked painfully by, an endless cascade of minutes tumbling in slow motion toward the inevitable rocky crag of “now”. Of course, when your job entails counting coal, this is pretty much the norm. Fortunately, TG was kept occupied: there was an unusually large shipment heading out to the North Pole in time for the holidays, due to the increased activity of the Cootie Crew. But despite the pressures of the job, TG’s mind would occasionally wander, and she would often have to go looking for it.

Finally, sometime during the afternoon, a Floral Delivery truck pulled up in front of TG’s office. A Floral Delivery man got out of the Floral Delivery truck, and came to TG’s cubicle. The Floral Delivery man from the Floral Delivery truck had a delivery to make for TG. She was flummoxed: what could it possibly be? To her utter astonishment and surprise, it was flowers! He (“he”) had sent 2 dozen long-stemmed red roses to TG in anticipation of a wonderful and romantic evening. She hoped she was invited, too.

At long last, the end of the workday drew nigh. I know, because TG showed me the drawing (she hopes to carve nigh as a Hitch Hiker at some point). He was picking her up at the office, so they could make their 7:00 reservation at the Signature Stamp Room. She hurriedly rushed into the Executive Washroom where she was able to thoroughly cleanse her entire Executive, as well as pull on her red dress, re-stamp her black (formerly brown) shoes, and touch up her nails and her head with the ever present Marvys. As a finishing touch, TG stapled the bouquet of 2 dozen roses to her wrist as a delicate corsage, and took one last gaze into the mirror, making sure all was as perfect as it could be. This was it… time for The Big Date!

He arrived in a Bentley convertible, the crisp Chicago wind streaming through his golden locks (those Bentleys are expensive, and so are their locks). TG spied him through the window, and came rushing out the door in amorous greeting. Oh, it was a glorious scene, full of tears and laughter and nervous gestures and tenuous hugs – TG LOVES Bentleys! But eventually, she turned away from the car and faced her former beau, shyly extending her hand in warm greeting. He grasped it gently, lovingly, yet firmly, only to realize too late that there was a piece of rubber in her palm and he had just gotten ink all over his hand. It was then that TG, who had kept her dark secret from him for all these years, blurted out “I... I… I’m a… letterboxer!”

A hush fell over him. He brushed it away, looked her straight in the eye, and said “I know. I knew it the moment I laid eyes on you. I don’t know how, exactly… maybe it was the way you counted your steps as you walked, maybe it was the way you peeked behind every plant between the building and the car, or maybe it was the way you cupped your hand under your armpit… but I knew.” A smile slowly crept over his rugged features, easing the tension of the moment. “Hey,” he whispered, “No worries. I took the liberty of learning a little about it before tonight. I found this absolutely wonderful blog, by a fine gentleman named wassamatta_u, that helped me understand. He is brilliant, that Mr. _u, a true genius. His wit and charm are unequaled, his intelligence unmatched in all the web, and he deserves to have huge amounts of money thrust upon him with no strings attached through his Paypal account at wassamatta_u@atlasquest.net. Give generously.” (Author’s Note: I may have inadvertently augmented that last part just a little bit, for literary purposes only, mind you.)

Chapter 3:
The Date


And so the date began. TG hopped into the Bentley, while he slid behind. The wheel. Not being familiar with the area, he reached forward to turn on the car’s GPS system, when a look of horror and revulsion spread quickly across TG’s face. She explained that although using a GPS might get them to within 30 feet of their destination, they could still spend hours tearing up the whole street looking for the entrance to the building. No, she had a better idea. She reached deep into her backpack, and brought out a crumpled piece of paper. TG explained that she had printed out directions to the Hancock Building using the “Trip Planner” feature on AtlasQuest, and that she would act as navigator. As he signaled and pulled into traffic, TG instructed him: “Proceed North for 32,562 paces…”

They arrived at The Signature Stamp Room a little (67 minutes) late. How was TG supposed to have known that a compass is affected by the engine block when used in a car? No matter how many times he turned, they were always heading North! No matter, they were there. The Maitre’d looked through the reservation book, but their table had been long gone. TG, being the resourceful person she is, quickly whispered something into the Maitre’d’s ear, while slipping a little something into his palm. Without a further glance, the Maitre’d lead them to a window table and seated them. It wasn’t until a few moments later, when the Maitre’d finally glanced down into his palm, that he realized he had been cootied.

The Signature Stamp Room, located on the 95th floor of the John Hancock Building, offers postcard-perfect views of Chicago in all its brawny glory. It features contemporary American cuisine, an internationally acclaimed wine list, and nightly live entertainment. What it DOESN’T feature is table-side sickness bags. Unfortunately, TG’s date suffered from a rather acute case of vertigo and this was an amenity that would have been welcomed at this point. Without going into any unnecessary details, let it suffice to say that it is fortunate TG always carries wet-wipes in her backpack (unscented, of course). They were soon moved to another table, not so near the windows, but quite conveniently located in the restroom foyer.

Once the excitement (and his stomach) settled down, the evening turned into an enchanting mix of reminiscing and catching-up. The two talked for hours, losing themselves in conversation and laughter. The food was wonderful, the drinks sublime. To describe too much here would be to impinge upon the gracious TG’s privacy, so I will leave it as an exercise for the reader’s imagination. What I will say is that TG ordered their world-famous Prime Rib, a full pound of the tenderest, juiciest, pinkest beef available in the Great Lakes area. What I will also say is that TG was so caught up in sterling conversation, that she somewhat lost track of where she was. Picture it: a large pink slab in front of her, a sharp knife in her hand… yep! Without even realizing it, TG carved a fairly decent rendition of the Chicago Skyline into her Prime Rib. That wouldn’t have been so bad, if she hadn’t dipped it in the au jus and stamped it into the menu. She even refused a doggie bag for it, and instead insisted that the waiter bring her a 6x9 manila mailer for her Prime Rib. Those of you in her “City of Big Shoulders” Postal Ring, watch out!

And so the date progressed, and so the date eventually ended. Oh, it had been a magical evening… two friends, separated by time and experience, yet with so much past and so much future. Could it work? Only time would tell. (Author’s Note: I get paid by the cliché). He drove her back to her place in silence, neither one wanting to say too much and risk spoiling the atmosphere. TG was a bit apprehensive, naturally. The date, despite a few bumps here and there (and there, and over there, and bunch near here, and quite a group of them somewhere along there), had been a success. It really had been a pleasant evening. But… would there be another? And… what would happen on the doorstep? Her mouth went dry with nervousness.

Now, when one is potentially maybe kinda sorta expecting a goodnight kiss, the last thing one wants is dry, chapped lips. In an effort to circumvent this, a few blocks away from her house TG reached into her backpack looking for her lipstick. Where was it? She couldn’t find it! Oh dear, this was a problem. But as we know, our TG is a spunky and clever one, and so she used what she knew to be her tried and true friend – her ubiquitous Marvy Marker. A few quick swipes across the lips, and all was well. Until they got to the doorstep.

As any letterboxer who uses markers knows, once you apply them, they go dry pretty quickly. Standing on the stoop (is that an oxymoron?), she faced him, looked up into his eyes, and they each leaned forward ever so slowly. She couldn’t stop, but she had to do something about the dry marker lips! She reached around and held him close, her head over his shoulder, knowing that at any moment the kiss was inevitable. While he was distracted by the warmth of her hug, TG quickly brought her hand up and cupped it over her mouth, and did what all letterboxers do to moisten their stamps: she HUFFED! Huff, huff, hufffff, huffff, in a desperate attempt to moisten her Marvy-lous lips. One final big hufffffffff… and that was the last thing she remembered.

TG awoke several hours later, in a hospital bed. As best the doctors could piece together the story, it went something like this. Apparently, she had hyperventilated in her attempt to moisten the marker. She collapsed daintily on the porch, but in doing so, dropped her backpack. The backpack tumbled down the stairs, strewing its contents about. The bottle of 100% Pure Acetone had broken on the sidewalk, and splashed all over the side of the Bentley. An empty Altoids Tin careened down the cement steps, creating little sparks with each bounce…

Need I go on? TG’s online friends will be happy to know that she is fine, relatively uninjured, and that the eyebrows that were lost during the explosion will soon grow back, good as new. And the best news is that her date promises to call her again, as soon as his hearing returns! And when he does, you can count on me to keep you posted on the events of TG’s Second Date…
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126818 by wassamatta u
Sep 8, 2007 4:03am
Thread (disabled) Board
Fabulous story Wassa! Never a dull moment. Who knows maybe TG's date will escort her to a letterbox next time. (so at least when she's huffing the marker next time she's sitting down. :) ) Thanks for the great tale with my coffee!!!

-HG
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126826 by HG's Crew
Sep 8, 2007 5:23am
Thread (disabled) Board
Wonderful work, Wassa!

jay1
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126839 by jay1
Sep 8, 2007 5:30am
Thread (disabled) Board
If I am lucky nuff at some point in the future to find a woman crazy enuff to date me I will NOT lot WassU know.


Peace Balance
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126818 by wassamatta u
Sep 8, 2007 6:01am
Thread (disabled) Board
TG awoke several hours later, in a hospital bed.

Now that is a clever spot to hold an after gather at. How'd you book that one TG?????


PB
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126428 by wassamatta u
Sep 8, 2007 7:10am
Thread (disabled) Board
Having reread Wassa's original post, I realized that I needed to make at least one comment on what I considered to be the most important part of the entire piece:

Quote By the time she was done, naturally, she had a flowing red evening gown (and flowing red fingers, hands, and arms), as well as a substantially higher “F” count. (Note to Mr Yuk: Do NOT make an “F count” comment here.)


Knowing Mr. Yuk (and having a mind that, like my students, is at least halfway in the gutter), I thought it VERY important to note right NOW that the Highlander and have ALWAYS gotten our F count TOGETHER (well, we've also gotten a LOT of F counts with Jiggs when he comes into town and with other guests, but that's just being neighborly, not trashy, right?)
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126818 by wassamatta u
Sep 8, 2007 8:05am
Thread (disabled) Board
And you don't have a book on the shelves, why . . . . . ??????

LL
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126868 by Lady Lilac
Sep 8, 2007 1:42pm
Thread (disabled) Board
And you don't have a book on the shelves, why . . . . . ??????


because wassa and sprite haven't edited the manuscript and gotten it back to me, that's why...

nw
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126936 by Romana
Sep 8, 2007 1:46pm
Thread (disabled) Board
because wassa and sprite haven't edited the manuscript and gotten it back to me, that's why...


Guilty as charged!

Ok, but you think we can sneak these posts into it? Huh? Can we? Pleeeeeeeease? Purty pleeeease?

-wassamatta_u
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126938 by wassamatta u
Sep 8, 2007 1:58pm
Thread (disabled) Board
yeah, these have got to be put in...

nw
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126818 by wassamatta u
Sep 9, 2007 6:14am
Thread (disabled) Board
Wassa,
You may not be the official, unofficial, or ghost biographer of my return from the wonderfully nekkid letterboxing haven of Baghdad Iraq...to the safety of the US and ito the arms of my beloved and betrothed better half...Keepers of The Light 04 and our band of up and coming letterboxers...aka the wandering unicorn and the brothers...
After all you've done to poor trekkie gal...who may never have a date again...bless her heart...I would hate to see your cliche' commission and what you would do to poor lil ole me upon my return from this wonderfully extended letterboxing foray here in beautiful downtown burbank...I mean baghdad...
Be Safe...
BR1
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126936 by Romana
Sep 9, 2007 7:37am
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote because wassa and sprite haven't edited the manuscript and gotten it back to me, that's why...


Wait, I did! I never heard back from you, so I just thought you were busy. Not even sure where it IS now....! (searches her laptop for the elusive manuscript)
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale (Part 2)
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #127079 by BigRedOne
Sep 9, 2007 7:41am
Thread (disabled) Board
Quote After all you've done to poor trekkie gal...who may never have a date again...bless her heart...I would hate to see your cliche' commission and what you would do to poor lil ole me upon my return from this wonderfully extended letterboxing foray here in beautiful downtown burbank...I mean baghdad...


Man, I wouldn't let Wassa talk about how I went to the KITCHEN, let alone on a date or something! ;-) Still, I'd LOVE for him to do it to anyone else again (muhahahahaaa)! >:-)
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126428 by wassamatta u
Sep 11, 2007 10:11am
Thread (disabled) Board
OMG! This was the best thing I've read in a LONG TIME! That may be considered sad by some, but this was absolutely FANTASTIC!
The Culligan Man in my kitchen changing my um... filters right now is thinking I am a crazed lunatic as I laugh out loud before my computer.

Thanks for the day's enjoyment, wassa!

Happy First Date, TG!

peace,
lorax
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #126473 by Mark4
Sep 14, 2007 8:50am
Thread (disabled) Board
I'm still several hundred posts from the end of this story, so it may have already been asked... I don't know the dentist in question. Do you suppose this qualified as a Mini-Meet?
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #129296 by Ish
Sep 14, 2007 9:55am
Thread (disabled) Board
I don't know the dentist in question.


I don't even know what you are talking about here, Ish. :) Must have blocked out that part of the story.

By the way, after talking on the phone 3-4 times a day and IMing at night after his kids go to bed, we have decided to see each other again. He will be travelling down to see me next Thursday. :D

TG
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #129333 by Trekkie Gal
Sep 14, 2007 10:01am
Thread (disabled) Board
...we have decided to see each other again. He will be travelling down to see me next Thursday.


*sigh* Work, work, work, work, work....

-wassamatta_u
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #129338 by wassamatta u
Sep 14, 2007 5:25pm
Thread (disabled) Board
but no one can do it like u.


PB
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #129333 by Trekkie Gal
Sep 14, 2007 5:26pm
Thread (disabled) Board
what color will u ink you dress this week?? The world wants to know


PB
Re: Trekkie Gal’s Big Date: A Cautionary Tale
Board: Singles Anonymous
Reply to: #129481 by Zen Hunter
Sep 14, 2007 5:39pm
Thread (disabled) Board
what color will u ink you dress this week?? The world wants to know


LOL! He's meeting me at work, and I usually wear either black or khaki pants to work. I guess I will have to get my black ink pad out to change the color of the khaki pants. :D

TG