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Re: AQ... confused!
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #973951 by Green Tortuga
Apr 8, 2019 9:07pm
Thread
There is this one that makes your text upside down.
Tax Time
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 9, 2019 8:17pm
Thread
Less than a week until the tax deadline. Is everyone ready?

Taxes can be easy. Or can it? But it is going to become more difficult.

More from slashdot.
Re: Tax Time
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974015 by Oberon_Kenobi
Apr 9, 2019 11:13pm
Thread
Mine are paid. Well, partly - I pay quarterly.

Thanks for the links... that sucks.
This Day in History is Wrong
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 16, 2019 7:13am
Thread
Sadly, as someone who is from Blacksburg and had people they knew die in the shootings, the Virginia Tech Massacre is no longer the worst shooting in the history of the US. This should be changed on the history fact.
Re: This Day in History is Wrong
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974227 by PiggyJaunt
Apr 16, 2019 8:03am
Thread
Looks like someone has changed it.

TG
Re: This Day in History is Wrong
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974228 by Trekkie Gal
Apr 16, 2019 10:08am
Thread
Let’s hope we never have to update that “record” again
Re: This Day in History is Wrong
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974227 by PiggyJaunt
Apr 16, 2019 11:53am
Thread
I am a VT grad and had classes in the building where the worst of the shooting occurred albeit 10 yrs prior to it. Our daughter is up there now and ran/walked in the 3.2 remembrance race on Saturday along with 14,500 other VT strong. Virginia Tech is an awesome community and I hate that the shooting is forever associated with the campus. Sad day for everyone and extra hugs to you and the families of those you knew.
a little cartoon for a dreary Thursday
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 18, 2019 6:12am
Friday funny
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 19, 2019 10:21pm
Thread
Why can’t you hear a pterodactyl go to the bathroom?

The “P” is silent.

😄
Re: Friday funny
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974344 by DarkZen and Evil Cow Pie
Apr 20, 2019 5:21am
Thread
Speaking of p....

WELL ME TO OUR OOL
Notice there is no P in it.
We would like to keep it that way.
Re: Friday funny
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974344 by DarkZen and Evil Cow Pie
Apr 20, 2019 8:34am
Thread
What do you call an arrogant jailbird going down the stairs?
.
.
.
.
.
.
A condescending con descending.
IT'S HERE !...........IT'S FINALLY HERE !
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 22, 2019 12:47am
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Box in a Pink Thong Day !

Happy AQ Anniversary Betty and Bubs !
Earth Day is every day
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 22, 2019 7:47pm
Thread
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference and you have to decide what kind of a difference you want to make.”
—Jane Goodall
Re: IT'S HERE !...........IT'S FINALLY HERE !
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974422 by Grrly Girl
Apr 22, 2019 8:15pm
Thread
Ummmm, thanks. I think.

Hmmmm. That's odd. I thought I was supposed to box that way every day...
Re: Earth Day is every day
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974459 by 360 Degrees of Nowhere
Apr 22, 2019 10:24pm
Thread
You cannot get through a single day without having an impact on the world around you. What you do makes a difference and you have to decide what kind of a difference you want to make.”
—Jane Goodall

I know what you are meaning by posting that quote, but . . .

One cannot observe a system without affecting it. So if you observe the world, you affect the world.

I understand your response.
Re: Earth Day is every day
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974461 by Oberon_Kenobi
Apr 23, 2019 1:45pm
Thread
One cannot observe a system without affecting it. So if you observe the world, you affect the world.

Only if they catch you.
Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 26, 2019 5:18am
Thread
I will try to keep this short, but it’s a long drawn out saga....Its prom time, supposed to be exciting and fun, but it’s anything but. My dd is 17. A junior. Dances and stuff really aren't her thing, but she goes with friends and has fun. She had fun at the 9th grade dance, this year’s homecoming dance (first time in years we have had one) we had a game. Our girls were allowed in without having to buy a ticket since they were going to miss most of the dance. They went straight from the game, in their uniforms all sweaty and high off a win. Holly said that was the best time she had! She likes the no pressure kind of stuff.

Prom is all about one upping....who got the best prom-posal, who has the most expensive dress, the eyelash extensions, the spray tan, nails, etc....Luckily my Holly isn't in to most of that. She feels that you bought your dress in Jan when you were pasty white and loved it, why do you need to be spray tanned to make it look good. She doesn't wear any makeup normally so she isn't interested in having makeup done. I say once these girls are all lined up in a row, are you going to be able to tell who paid $100 or $400 for the dress?

So cut to the problems...she was put in a group chat from her friend GB. With GB's basketball friends. Girls Holly knows and is sort of ok with. Then Hollys other friend GM has no group so Holly said come with us. GB said she has to ask the rest of the group. Takes forever to get back to her and then said no because some girl- Claire- doesn't like GM. So Holly said fine, she and GM joined another group. GB, who Holly has known since they were babies, got a little snotty, and pretty much stopped talking to her. (more on that later)

SO now this group was going to be about 12 girls. Now they all decided to get dates so they can have them for pictures. I guess the boys are props? Some have boyfriends but most have asked 'friends'. Holly didn't have a boyfriend and couldn't find a friend. GM asked a boy she works with from another school and then asked if he had a friend for holly. He did, she asked, he said yes. Though she hasn't met him yet. We were on vacation last week, then he was this week, coming home today, prom is tomorrow. Hopefully they are going to go to dinner tonight, the four of them.

So now this group is probably about 12 girls and maybe 9 boys.

Plan is to meet at a country club for pictures, go to the dance, and maybe go to the cookie place after, then over to Kaylynn’s for a party/sleepover. I talked to Michelle (Kailyn’s mom) and asked about the sleepover...boys? She said she didn't love it, but yes some of the boys were invited so they didn't have to drive home late. But she wasn't sure how to deal with holly and GM's dates, since no one knows them. She asked my opinion. I said I am not a fan of boy/girl sleepovers no matter how well you know them. I said they didn't need to be invited. I mentioned about my older sons experience with a boy girl sleepover at his prom....lots of alcohol and hooking up. She said OH Lord, she told kailynn that if she even suspects alcohol she will ask the person to leave. I said that's what that other mom said too. ha.

So now holly tells me she doesn't want to go to the party. She said she knows there is going to be drinking. I said really? With this group? I get the eye roll...mom its prom....everyone drinks and smokes weed. We have some straight A, two sport varsity athletes in this group. Yes, I know I am being naive. Holly is so worried about being in an uncomfortable position....doesn't want to be the only non-drinker in the room. Part of me wants to say, just take one drink and sip it all night. Then the other part says WTF am I thinking? Why would I tell my daughter that? Why tell her to fake it. Then I wonder what is she so afraid of? She has never really been around alcohol....her father doesn't drink and I have a glass of wine, very seldom. Usually only with the other FH moms. She has seen some of the silly drunk people in our neighborhood at our adult only parties. But has never seen a mean or violent drunk.

So I told her to go to the dance and the cookie place, go to the party and leave. She said she didn’t want to leave cus then everyone would be like why are you leaving.... now Kailynn has invited all these other people, a bunch of guys it sounds like, Some that holly knows, some she doesn’t...most she doesn’t care for. I guess they are all partiers. I said are they all sleeping over, she said no. I said perfect…leave when the do. She doesn’t want to be seen as the one that is a buzzkill.

I told GM’s mom that Holly was feeling very alone and not sure about the party and she said she was expecting some drinking...after all it’s a party. I feel like I can’t mention this to Michelle or one of the other moms without the fear of Holly being a narc. I am pretty sure if their daughters are drinking they don’t know a thing about it. These are the kind of girls that look so sweet and innocent and can be vipers when no one is looking.

I feel like she has already lost one friend over this, she feels she has NO friends. According to her EVERYONE does, drinks and smokes weed. I don’t believe every single person does, there has to be some that don’t. She just has to find them. But I don’t want her to be a social pariah either. I don’t need her to be the most popular but I want her to have some fun. I was never home on weekends as a junior. She never goes out.

The friend that I think she lost….GB…they have been friends since they were babies. She has been going down a path that isn’t the best one. Told holly she couldn’t hang with her on Halloween night cus her parents wouldn’t let her. Come to find out, she went to a party and got falling down sloppy drunk. Had a boyfriend, didn’t share that with holly…who doesn’t tell your best friend you have a boyfriend. Had sex, broke up with boyfriend, started drinking and smoking…etc… I think she feels holly will judge her, knowing how holly feels about the drinking and smoking. Hasn’t really talked to her much since, and not at all lately.

So Holly is so upset about the whole thing. She doesn’t want to go, but doesn’t want to not go. She is afraid of regretting it if she skips it. She is afraid of not following the crowd, but doesn’t want to be a crowd follower either. She doesn’t want to be left out, knowing she will be hearing about how much fun it was, and seeing the pictures all night.

Plus on top of this, she says she doesn’t feel well. Of course not I say, with all the worrying you are doing. I sort of wish she would just get a mild stomach bug enough to puke a few times so i can legit say she is sick!

I don’t get upset easily and this is killing me. She is so teary and upset its making me teary and upset. I don’t even know what advice to offer. I want her to at least go to the dance and play it by ear from there.

Thanks for listening...obviously I cant post about any of this, since almost everyone involved would see it and know exactly who I am talking about. I love my anonymous group of friends here that I can come to for advice!
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 5:30am
Thread
Be her scapegoat. Let her tell her friends her mom is a total jerk and won’t let her go to the party.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 5:34am
Thread
I say go and when offered a drink, "I've been having issues with my sinuses and I'm on antibiotics." Sorry, no alcohol for Holly! I know it's lying but I think in this case it's justified.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 5:50am
Thread
I don't have kids of my own but work with kids of all ages, and I think it's important that you make the decision with her, expressing that there isn't going to be a perfect solution no matter what. That's an unfortunate life lesson unto itself.

Discuss all options with her: What if she went to the prom but then came home right afterwards, how would she feel, how would her friends view her, which is more important? What if she went to the prom, part of the party (like with a curfew), then left? How would she feel, how would her friends view her? If she's uncomfortable drinking, then would she feel better or worse if she did? Does she want to have something ready to say in case she refuses (a lot of my students go with the response "Brains develop until age 25, and alcohol can screw them up. I'll drink later in life, just not yet." Yes, this is true).

If she's a visual person, write it all down so she can compare choices. Sometimes life choices really, really suck.

And, while she won't really be able to comprehend it now, in a few years she likely will have lost contact with her high school friends and have found new friends who share similar interests, not just similar space. I know it's hard, but I've always been happier after I went with what I wanted, not the crowd (or, if what I wanted was what the crowd wanted, that was ok too). Then I don't regret it later.

Also, I guarantee that there are other students in her class who are facing the same dilemma. She just doesn't know it.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 5:50am
Thread
I am the mother of 4 sons (all Eagle Scouts, but not teen-angels), the youngest of which had the WORST time at senior prom .... bullied by his then-girlfriend into situations where he was was not comfortable. The wedding-proposal-invites, the dresses that are as expensive as wedding gowns, let alone the illegal substances, are not appropriate for teens to aspire to.

When my boys were in high school, we had an understanding that if they really wanted out of a situation, they could ask me to call them home early, or forbid them to go in the first place. With the exception of that one prom experience, my sons were very good judges of what was about to happen (or get out of control). I played the "mom card" at their request more times than I can count.

Go ahead and save your daughter. Tell her that she must wait for senior prom, or whatever plausible reason she needs you to say so that she can "save face."

Better yet, help her to say no to these girls by giving her a better alternative: A mom/daughter surprise weekend. Take the money that you/she would spend on this event and go do something with just you two. Something frivolous, expensive (meaning more $ than you would usually spend, not over-the-top-fancy), fun, instagram-worthy. Tickets to a sporting event, buy her the new BB shoes, etc.

my humble opinion,
DD
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 6:11am
Thread
It's a tough situation, but as mom, all you can do is give her the best advice you can and know that she's got a good head on her shoulders. Ultimately, she's going to be exposed to these things in the real world and this is her chance to gain some experience in dealing with this sort of stuff while she's still with you and before she gets into the real world. These are decisions that she has to learn to make herself, with your guidance.

Realistically, no one wants to share their alcohol and drugs with someone that doesn't want them, unless they want to make fun of her or take advantage. If she resists the temptation to fit in, make sure she knows to watch what she drinks so no one slips things to her or refills a drink without her noticing.

You DO have control over letting her go to the sleepover. I would NOT let my daughter spend the night with parents that are obviously enabling poor behavior. The boys being present is just an added reason to not let her go. You have to trust the parents you entrust your child to. Never trust other people's teenagers.

Make sure that your daughter knows that she can call you for help at any point without fear of being punished for making a poor decision. Let her know that you are always there to bail her out of any situation, without judgement.

You got this. So does she.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974612 by LROSEM
Apr 26, 2019 6:46am
Thread
I have offered to be the one that says no. I have also said to go and if she doesn't want to come text me with a code word, and I will come get her. I have told her in life she will be around people that are doing things you don't want to and you just have to go with the flow. I know there will be some people that aren't partaking. There has to be....not every kid will be drinking? There has to be a few that wont?

She has watched enough crime shows to know to watch her drink, and maybe that's what scares her....I just cant get why she is so judge-y about teenagers drinking....not that I approve it, just acknowledging the fact that they are experimenting with it. She has tasted my wine and has hated it.

I actually did think of going to a spa or something. Problem is if we did that, she would still be miserable and wouldn't open up to me anyway...she would most likely be stalking insta and snapchat watching the events happening.

I know she will be exposed to these types of things when she goes to college...that's sort of why I want her to start now where she can still come home and talk, be safe, get away from before it starts happening in school where she has to live it 24/7.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974607 by thndrkttn
Apr 26, 2019 7:15am
Thread
It takes as much (or more) strength to stand up to your friends as it does your enemies.

The reason she can give for leaving the party early is 'because I want to'. My grownup self would like her to say 'because I don't like being around drunken idiots', but that's not "socially acceptable" or something...

I know peer pressure is never going away, no matter how 'enlightened' we think we are, but it's aggravating that this poor kid can't just be herself.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974615 by CookieCutter
Apr 26, 2019 7:27am
Thread
I know right!? That's what is happening...her friends know she doesn't do it, so they do it without her. She said she doesn't care if they do it, she just doesn't want to be around it. So she isn't. Therefore alone.
I Love the Outdoors
Board: Yakking It Up
Apr 26, 2019 8:34am
Thread
Here is a T-shirt you need to wear on your next letterbox outing.
Re: I Love the Outdoors
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974618 by Oberon_Kenobi
Apr 26, 2019 8:46am
Thread
Thanks for sharing that! Funny.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 10:40am
Thread
So, I am a nineteen-year-old girl, and I remember prom. I was in a group then uninvited because I was in regular classes in school and everyone else in the group was in the advanced classes. Whatever. On to college, I have been to a few smaller parties. It's easier when you know the people there rather than being in a crowd full of strangers. My boyfriend and I don't drink, neither one of us have any interest in it at all, so the first party I went to I said: "My mom would kill me if I drank." The response from everyone was "why are you listening to what your mom says, you're an adult and she's not here." The next time I went to the party when asked to drink, I said honestly, "Drinking doesn't interest me and I don't want to. I don't mind if you do." No one gave me a hard time about it!

I always thought I could use my mom as a scapegoat, and it doesn't work as well because you leave the impression that you want to do something and can't because you'd disappoint someone else. When you say you don't want to do something, you make it clear that it's your own choice and decision.

Go to the party, you will regret it if you don't, but just because you're there doesn't mean you have to follow the crowd. It's way more complicated thinking you're the only one not drinking than actually being there and being the only one not drinking. From my own experience, not drinking doesn't cost you friends. (Oof, a double negative, but it's true)
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974621 by AdventurousAcorn
Apr 26, 2019 11:30am
Thread
I think this is a great answer. I also think there is a vital lesson here (many, actually). One thing you addressed is the assumption she'll be the ONLY ONE uncomfortable or not drinking. Even if true, the better takeaway is "so what?" Also, her peers need to deal with being told no and see what it looks like for others to enforce boundaries. A great lesson for all. Holly sounds great. Enforcing boundaries is the ultimate affirmation of Self. This is also how you figure out the quality of your friendships.

Also, what the hell are these parents thinking. "We don't like it, but went along with it, . . ." because we forgot we are the adults in this relationship?

Mom still needs to say no. Let Holly communicate to her friends who she really is -- someone who doesn't enjoy parties like that and agrees with her mom.

For the record, she wants you to say no, or she wouldn't have shared this information with you. Just sayin'. It's better, as was rightly pointed out, that she learn to own her own &#!+.

As for regretting the party? So many worse things to regret. Prom has exactly the importance we give it. In five years, she won't care at all. She and her fiance will be putting a down payment on their first house while her friends are paying off their prom dresses, mani/pedi's and upsweeps.
Re: Prom Drama (long but I need advice)
Board: Yakking It Up
Reply to: #974605 by Crazyolis
Apr 26, 2019 2:56pm
Thread
Oh, this should make you feel better. I just returned to my desk from a conversation with my school librarian who told me that a prom party for her son's friend doubled as a birthday party for their 18-year-old son, complete with a keg and hired stripper. And by "hired stripper," I mean the parents hired her. And supplied the keg. And the drinking age here is 21. And the parents are: a psychologist and high-ranking doctor. He runs a hospital or is in some leadership position. For now.