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Re: murder at Costco
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #898923 by SeerMeesh
May 24, 2015 2:30pm
Thread
Then the head line would read: "Artie Chokes 2 for $1.00 at Costco. Sampley Wrong!"

ASL Girl
KFC witness protection
Board: Funny Pages
Jul 6, 2015 4:23am
Thread
Re: KFC witness protection
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #903720 by Grrly Girl
Jul 6, 2015 7:33am
Thread
Too funny.....I sent this around at work to brighten everyone's Monday.....thanks for sharing!
Tick identification
Board: Funny Pages
Dec 7, 2015 4:11am
Thread
Be sure to properly identify ticks
Re: Tick identification
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #915605 by Don't Panic
Dec 7, 2015 5:29pm
Thread
I have been fighting Lyme disease since mid-summer. Not everyone gets the Bulls-eye rash and other stage one symptoms.
Please be sure to look up Stage 2 symptoms and seek help even if you only have one of those many symptoms- it can be a long expensive battle otherwise.
Re: Tick identification
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #915605 by Don't Panic
Dec 15, 2015 12:38pm
Thread
When I first saw this on FaceBook, someone posted that you could get Key Lime disease from a red licorice tick.
Re: Tick identification
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #916099 by Sits N Knits
Dec 22, 2015 7:23pm
Thread
You've got to be kidding.....or I hope they were!!!! GOOD GRIEF!!!!!! That would be a s-tick-y situation!! ;-)

ASL Girl
How can it be?
Board: Funny Pages
Jan 6, 2016 3:53am
Thread
My Wassa's Widget says no one has been funny in the past 24 hours.
Re: How can it be?
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #917211 by Grrly Girl
Jan 6, 2016 10:55am
Thread
Hmm......that's funny....
for a little chuckle
Board: Funny Pages
Jan 19, 2016 4:05am
Thread
Re: for a little chuckle
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #918327 by Grrly Girl
Jan 20, 2016 10:09am
Thread
That would be my luck.

Shiloh
Re: for a little chuckle
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #918477 by shiloh
Jan 20, 2016 12:11pm
Thread
fortunately for me I have a friend who's a safe specialist.
but I don't think I can get any bars from inside.
Re: for a little chuckle
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #918487 by Grrly Girl
Jan 27, 2016 6:32pm
Thread
Then it sounds your friend will be alright....since they are safe. And as for not being able to get any bars inside, that might be considered bar none.

ASL Girl
Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Mar 4, 2016 11:02am
Thread
Something to think about!
Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:
Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;>>>>

Please alert your friends
to this
alarming threat.

We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large,
We withheld the statistics on
lawyers

for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921412 by Grrly Girl
Mar 4, 2016 11:06am
Thread
Likely very little known statistics.
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921412 by Grrly Girl
Mar 4, 2016 11:06am
Thread
You always make me chuckle!
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921412 by Grrly Girl
Mar 4, 2016 12:20pm
Thread
I wonder what the statistics would be if you included the NON accidental gun deaths?
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921423 by Kasimir
Mar 4, 2016 1:06pm
Thread
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921423 by Kasimir
Mar 4, 2016 1:21pm
Thread
I wonder what the statistics would be if you included the NON accidental gun deaths?

This spawned a question for me, what are the gun death rates by police? This is difficult to determine because it is difficult to determine how many police there are in the United States. So, let's use Wikipedia numbers since I didn't find any better numbers in my few minutes of searching. Even these numbers are admitted in the article to not be accurate, but they are the best I have found.

120,000 federal (2008) + 17,985 (2012) = 137,985
288 (2010) killings by police officers
=====
0.002087183
.
.
.
Category Number Population #/Pop
Accidental deaths per physician 120,000 700,000 0.171
Deaths per police 288 137,985 0.002087183
All injury deaths (US) 2013 192,945 316.5 M 0.000609621
----- Poisoning 48,545 0.000153381
----- Motor vehicle traffic 33,804 0.000106806
----- Firearms 33,636 0.000106275
Firearm deaths per person (US) 2013 (CDC) 33,636 316.5 M 0.000106275
----- Suicide 21,175 0.000066904
----- Homicide 11,208 0.000035412
----- Unintentional discharges 505 0.000001596
----- Legal intervention/war 467 0.000001476
----- Undetermined 281 0.000000888
Accidental deaths per gun owner 1,500 80 M 0.0000188
Fatal unintentional drowning (US) 3,533 301.15 M (2005 - 2009 average) 0.000011732

Once I started this research, I decided to follow it to it's end, no matter how it came out. An interesting thing that came out is that the death rate per person is higher for the unintentional use of water than the unintentional use (discharge) of guns.

And to answer the question that I had too: What is a fatal intentional drowning? I'm assuming that it is a homicide.
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921431 by Oberon_Kenobi
Mar 4, 2016 1:32pm
Thread
I thought that I could keep editing (because of a recent update), but the edit button is gone.

I use statistics from different years in my previous post because that is what is available in the CDC and other statistics that I found.

And this thread has moved from the "Funny Pages". It should probably be in "Off Topic Wildly".
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921412 by Grrly Girl
Mar 4, 2016 6:39pm
Thread
"Sixty percent of all statistics are wrong."

~Albert Einstein
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921427 by Kelsung
Mar 6, 2016 10:27am
Thread
I once told a plant manager that was trying to reprimanded me based on some figures he had that you can make the numbers mean anything you want them to mean.

Case in point......

Everyone who has ever taken a drink of water has died so water must be poison.

Shiloh
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921549 by shiloh
Mar 6, 2016 11:59am
Thread
Everyone who has ever taken a drink of water has died so water must be poison.

Dihydro-monoxide
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921552 by Oberon_Kenobi
Mar 6, 2016 2:14pm
Thread
Funny you mention that.

In grad school, we labeled certain solvent bottles as Dihydrogen Monoxide around lab for a joke. It seems that some safety officers don't know much about chemistry and don't quite understand the joke. On an annual inspection, we were cited for keeping "highly reactive" monoxide compounds out on the lab bench and not properly labeling our acids and bases.

Though to be fair -- how does one properly label Dihydrogen Monoxide -- acid? base? bacid? acidase?

Needless to say, our boss wasn't thrilled about the citations and had several heated discussions with the safety officers about the bogus charges.
Re: Beware!
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #921412 by Grrly Girl
Mar 7, 2016 10:00am
Thread
(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

I thought these numbers looked way high. Then I too looked on line and concluded that they actually could be low! At the very least, they are in the ballpark.

I also notice that when letterboxes are presented with a truly scary statistic, they mark it funny.

Old Blue
denial apparently is a river in Africa
Keith & Bob go skiing
Board: Funny Pages
Mar 25, 2016 4:36am
Thread
Keith decided to go skiing with his buddy, Bob. So they loaded up Keith's minivan and headed north. After driving for a few hours, they got caught in a terrible blizzard.

They pulled into a nearby farm and asked the attractive lady who answered the door if they could spend the night.

'I realize its terrible weather out there and I have this huge house all to myself, but I'm recently widowed,' she explained. 'I'm afraid the neighbour’s will talk if I let you stay in my house.'

'Don't worry,' Keith said, 'We'll be happy to sleep in the barn, and if the weather breaks, we'll be gone at first light.'

The lady agreed, and the two men found their way to the barn and settled in for the night.

Come morning, the weather had cleared, and they got on their way.

They enjoyed a great weekend of skiing.

But about nine months later, Keith got an unexpected letter from an attorney.

It took him a few minutes to figure it out, but he finally determined that it was from the attorney of that really attractive widow he had met on the ski weekend.

He dropped in on his friend Bob and asked, 'Bob, do you remember that good-looking widow from the farm we stayed at on our ski holiday up north about 9 months ago?'

'Yes, I do.' said Bob

'Did you happen to get up in the middle of the night, go up to the house and pay her a visit?'

'Well, um, yes!,' Bob said, a little embarrassed about being found out, 'I have to admit that I did.'

'And did you happen to give her my name instead of telling her your name?'

Bob's face turned beet red and he said, 'Yeah, look, I'm sorry, buddy, I'm afraid I did. Why do you ask?'

'She just died and left me everything.'

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Be honest, you thought the ending would be little bit different, didn't you?...You know you smiled... now keep that smile for the rest of the day!
Re: Keith & Bob go skiing
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #922973 by Grrly Girl
Mar 27, 2016 9:31pm
Thread
Thank for the funny post today Grrly Girl!!!!

ASL Girl
mom & the nursing home
Board: Funny Pages
Apr 29, 2016 5:47am
Thread
One evening my family brought our frail, elderly mother to a nursing home and left her, hoping she will be well cared for.
The next morning, the nurses bathe her, feed her a tasty breakfast, and set her in a chair at a window overlooking a lovely flower garden.
She seems OK, but after a while she slowly starts to fall over sideways in her chair. Two attentive nurses immediately rush up to catch her and straighten her up.
Again she seems OK, but after a while she starts to tilt to the other side. The nurses rush back and once more bring her back upright.
This goes on all morning. Later the family arrives to see how the old woman is adjusting to her new home.
“So Ma, how is it here? Are they treating you all right?” they ask.
“It’s pretty nice,” she replies. “Except they won’t let you fart”
Re: mom & the nursing home
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #925488 by Grrly Girl
Apr 29, 2016 7:32am
Thread
Doh! I admit that I did not see (small?) that punchline coming.
Re: mom & the nursing home
Board: Funny Pages
Reply to: #925488 by Grrly Girl
Apr 29, 2016 6:41pm
Thread
Wow!!! We use to tell that joke in Elementary School. Thanks for the memory! :-)