Once in a while I get this sinking feeling that someone will post something about Sinko De Mayo and really jar our minds for a day each year.

ASL Girl

Tired of constantly being broke and stuck in an unhappy marriage, a young husband decided to solve both problems by taking out a large insurance policy on his wife with himself as the beneficiary and then arranging to have her killed.

A 'friend of a friend' put him in touch with a nefarious dark-side underworld figure who went by the name of 'Artie.' Artie explained to the husband that his going price for snuffing out a spouse was $10,000.

The Husband said he was willing to pay that amount but that he wouldn't have any cash on hand until he could collect his wife's insurance money. Artie insisted on being paid at least something up front, so the man opened his wallet, displaying the single dollar coin that rested inside.
Artie sighed, rolled his eyes and reluctantly agreed to accept the dollar as down payment for the dirty deed.
o
A few days later, Artie followed the man's wife to the local Costco Supermarket. There, he surprised her in the produce department and proceeded to strangle her with his gloved hands. As the poor unsuspecting woman drew her last breath and slumped to the floor, the manager of the produce department stumbled unexpectedly onto the murder scene. Unwilling to leave any living witnesses behind, ol' Artie had no choice but to strangle the produce manager as well.

However, unknown to Artie, the entire proceedings were captured by the hidden security cameras and observed by the shop's security guard, who immediately called the police. Artie was caught and arrested before he could even leave the premises.

Under intense questioning at the police station, Artie revealed the whole sordid plan, including his unusual financial arrangements with the hapless husband who was also quickly arrested.

The next day in the Newspaper, the headline declared...

(You're going to hate me for this....)
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"ARTIE CHOKES 2 for $1.00 @ Costco"

Oh, quit groaning! I don't write this stuff; I receive it from my warped friends and then send it on to you.

You are a sick little puppy! (Thanks for the smile!)

This joke makes no sense. There is noooo way artichokes would be 2 for $1.00!!! ;)

(The following appears accurate - but has not been verified)

If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Delta Airlines 5 years ago, you would have $49 .00 today!
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in AIG 5 years ago, you would have $33.00 today!
If you had purchased $1,000 of shares in Lehman Brothers 5 years ago, you would have $0.00 today!
But, if you had purchased $1,000 worth of beer one year ago, drank all the beer, then turned in the aluminum cans for the recycling refund, you would have received $214.00.
Based on the above, the best current investment plan is to drink heavily & recycle. It is called the 401-Keg. And as a bonus… A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a
year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon.
Makes you darned proud to be an American!

unit pricing, but you must buy 200 artichokes

~there's got to be a box in there somewhere.

A recent study found that the average American walks about 900 miles a year. Another study found that on average Americans drink 22 gallons of alcohol a
year. That means that the average American gets about 41 miles to the gallon.

I think my average is a lot higher than that. *nodding* =)

-- Ryan, who might be the most fuel efficient person on the planet!

At least it wasn't sample day...

OMG- Just found this on Wassa's widget. Sitting here at work trying to laugh without making any noise.

That was an oldie, but a goodie.

That comment is going to fuel a lot of respunses, Ryan!

ASL Girl

Then the head line would read: "Artie Chokes 2 for $1.00 at Costco. Sampley Wrong!"

ASL Girl

Too funny.....I sent this around at work to brighten everyone's Monday.....thanks for sharing!

Be sure to properly identify ticks

I have been fighting Lyme disease since mid-summer. Not everyone gets the Bulls-eye rash and other stage one symptoms.
Please be sure to look up Stage 2 symptoms and seek help even if you only have one of those many symptoms- it can be a long expensive battle otherwise.

When I first saw this on FaceBook, someone posted that you could get Key Lime disease from a red licorice tick.

You've got to be kidding.....or I hope they were!!!! GOOD GRIEF!!!!!! That would be a s-tick-y situation!! ;-)

ASL Girl

My Wassa's Widget says no one has been funny in the past 24 hours.

Hmm......that's funny....

That would be my luck.

Shiloh

fortunately for me I have a friend who's a safe specialist.
but I don't think I can get any bars from inside.

Then it sounds your friend will be alright....since they are safe. And as for not being able to get any bars inside, that might be considered bar none.

ASL Girl

Something to think about!
Doctors

(A) The number of physicians in the U.S. is 700,000.

(B) Accidental deaths caused by Physicians per year are 120,000.
(C) Accidental deaths per physician is 0.171

Statistics courtesy of U.S. Dept of
Health and Human Services.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Now think about this:
Guns

(A) The number of gun owners in the U.S. is 80,000,000.
(Yes, that's 80 million)

(B) The number of accidental gun deaths per year, all age groups is 1,500.

(C) The number of accidental deaths per gun owner is 0.0000188
Statistics courtesy of FBI

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

So, statistically, doctors are approximately
9,000 times more dangerous than gun owners.

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Remember, 'Guns don't kill people, doctors do.'

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

FACT: NOT EVERYONE HAS A GUN,
BUT
Almost everyone has at least one doctor.
This means you are over 9,000 times more likely to be killed by a doctor as by a gun owner!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>> ;>>>>

Please alert your friends
to this
alarming threat.

We must ban doctors
before this gets completely out of hand!!!!!

>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>>

Out of concern for the public at large,
We withheld the statistics on
lawyers

for fear the shock would cause
people to panic and seek medical attention!

Likely very little known statistics.

You always make me chuckle!

I wonder what the statistics would be if you included the NON accidental gun deaths?