The first new Far Side cartoons in 25 years.

Okay, the first is classic Far Side and so is the second, although vaguely risqué if you think it through. That third, whilst funny, would probably not have made it past the newspaper editors.

K

Abbott: I have good news! I was just hired as one of the new coaches of the Washington football team.
Costello: Wow! All the way in Washington, what's the name of the team?
Abbott: The Washington football team.
Costello: Yes that one, What's its name?
Abbott: What's whats name?
Costello: the Washington football team.
Abbott: That's its name.
Costello: What is?
Abbott: The Washington Football team
Costello: Look this team plays in Washington right?
Abbott: Of course.
Costello: And this team has a name right?
Abbott: Yes, The Washington Football team.
Costello: So what is the name of this team that plays in Washington?
Abbott: I just told you!
Costello & Abbott: The Washington Football team!!!

Abbott: No, What's on second. We're not talking about baseball.

Abbott: Major League Soccer has a new expansion club in Charlotte, NC.
Costello: Yeah? What's the name of the team?
Abbott: the Charlotte Football Club
Costello: Yeah that one. What's it's name?
Abbott: The Charlotte Football Club!
Costello: So what's it's name??
Abbott: I just told ya!
Costello: What is it?!
Abbott: It's the Charlotte Football Club!!
Costello: So, what's the name of the team??!!!
Abbott: That IS the name of the team!!!
Abbott & Costello: The Charlotte Football Club!!!

When one door closes and another door opens, you're probably in prison.

To me, "drink responsibly" means don't spill it.

Age 60 might be the new 40, but 9:00 PM is the new midnight.

It's the start of a brand new day and I'm off like a herd of turtles.

The older I get, the earlier it gets late.

When I say, "The other day," I could be referring to any time between yesterday and 15 years ago.

I remember being able to get up without making sound effects.

I had my patience tested. I'm negative.

Remember, if you lose a sock in the dryer it comes back as a Tupperware lid that doesn't fit any of your containers.

If you're sitting in public and a stranger takes the seat next to you, just stare straight ahead and say, "Did you bring the money?"

When you ask me what I'm doing today and I say "nothing," it doesn't mean I'm free. It means I'm doing nothing.

I finally got eight hours of sleep. It took me three days, but whatever.

I run like the winded.

I hate when a couple argues in public and I missed the beginning and don't know whose side I'm on.

When someone asks what I did over the weekend, I squint and ask, "Why, what did you hear?"

When you do squats, are your knees supposed to sound like a goat chewing on an aluminum can stuffed with celery?

I don't mean to interrupt people. I just randomly remember things and get really excited.

When I ask for directions, please don't use words like "east."

Don't bother walking a mile in my shoes. That would be boring. Spend 30 seconds in my head. That'll freak you right out.

Sometimes, someone unexpected comes into your life out of nowhere, makes your heart race, and changes you forever. We call those people cops.

My luck is like a bald guy who just won a comb.

Too many of these are so true. I like "The other day" one. I do that all the time.

That is me to a tee.

K

Yup. Pretty much.

Was reading these to my daughter over the phone last night. Got to the squats and noisy knees and must've taken me 5 min. just to read it to her I was laughing so hard. Couldn't read it for the tears in my eyes.

Oh, this is SO me, also!

KuKu

AHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAHAHAH

This is too funny and relatable!

A SPOP is also the prerequisite for slack boxing at events.

I'm glad it is not a 'suspicious pile of poop'.

Oh, just combine them: A Suscious Pile of Poople!

Every time I see SPOP I misread SPQR. Ah well.

Is that pronounced "sporker"?

mostly it's pronounced Senatus Populusque Romanus

/is a nerd

I put "Senatus Populusque Romanus" into Google Translate and got "SPQR" out. Thanks Google⸮

I put "Senatus Populusque Romanus" into Wikipedia and also got SPQR, but at least it was much more informative.

I'm just not the type of nerd to know that initialism.

https://www.atlasquest.com/boards/read.php?threadId=65347&startId=456314

thank you Romana

chuckle, chuckle :)

I saw this on 'A Joke A Day' website.
These Should Be In The Dictionary

ADULT: A person who has stopped growing at both ends and is now growing in the middle.
BEAUTY PARLOR: A place where women curl up and dye.
CHICKENS: The only animals you eat before they are born and after they are dead.
COMMITTEE: A body that keeps minutes and wastes hours.
DUST: Mud with the juice squeezed out.
EGOTIST: Someone who is usually me-deep in conversation.
HANDKERCHIEF: Cold Storage.
INFLATION: Cutting money in half without damaging the paper.
MOSQUITO: An insect that makes you like flies better.
RAISIN: A grape with a sunburn.
SECRET: Something you tell to one person at a time.
SKELETON: A bunch of bones with the person scraped off

I see many comic strips are honoring Charles Schultz's 100th birthday today, which is very cool. Was kinda hoping for a "Peanuts" theme here on AQ.... ;)

I found out at the beginning of this week, so I'm carving a Peanuts stamp. I will be planting it later today.

The characters are simple lines. There is still time for the ambitious.

I thought that I could carve what I had planned, but I was busy until Friday. I was trying to carve a stamp with all of the main characters. I started with the more difficult parts, but about 45 minutes ago I realized that I cannot complete it in time.

So, I printed off a picture of just Charlie Brown. I transferred the image, cut it out and started carving at the shoes. About 3:00 pm I cut my thumb. It wasn't deep because it took a few seconds to start bleeding. I was carving while it was bleeding, but I dabbed it two times and it hasn't bled since.

I am likely going to be finished in time to plant this one.

Well, I did finish the stamp.

A small slip cut a bit of necessary line. It was still holding on by one end. I didn't have any E-6000, so I used a little bit of clear calk to tack it back in place. I am hoping that it should still remain flexible. I continued to carve after that, and the calk was set by the time I finished. The stamp image came out the way it should have.

I then went and planted it after dark. I will write up the clue soon. It should be posted later tonight.

I’m curious, why the deadline for completing the carve and plant? If the clue says something like “This was planted to celebrate Charles Schulz’s 100th birthday” I can’t imagine someone nitpicking the plant date of December 3rd or whatever.

Because I'm the one nitpicking.

Others can do what they want, but I like planting on the anniversary date.

not going to bother posting the link, just saying I hate when a link no longer works as the OP intended.
If I remember correctly, it was funny.
Geeks of the world, unite!

To make up for the old link, here's some punny math stuff.
https://parade.com/1037507/marynliles/math-jokes-puns/